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by saving_grace44



Category: Women's Soccer RPF
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-09-18
Updated: 2020-08-15
Packaged: 2020-11-02 08:56:53
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 8
Words: 44,210
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20691473
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/saving_grace44/pseuds/saving_grace44
Summary: Preath moments of togetherness and building their lives together. Inspired by true events but won’t be dictated by true events. Will end up in an AU.





	1. Chapter 1

The two mugs of coffee on the table had gone cold with brown rings of residue nearly staining the table beneath, but the two women didn’t even have time to notice. They are engrossed in conversation over a notebook filled with dates, schedules, and sketches. Their company alive on the page in front of them and the two taking a moment in their busy schedules to do some future planning. They had just gotten off a Skype call with their partner, Megan, who was on the road and couldn’t meet in person. Only one founder couldn’t make the meeting, and sometimes three of four was the best they could do given the women’s incredibly full and different schedules. 

“It looks like the four of us won’t have all be free at the same time until after October, so we should probably get a date in the books for the Riveters interview and the photo shoot in LA” the shorter one said as she consulted a shared calendar on her phone. “The three have you at the very top secret event in New York after your victory tour game in Philadelphia and then knock on wood we are busy through the 27th.” The taller girl offered a knock on the table immediately followed by a fist bump, and responded with a light “And, hopefully, the other two are free as birds that day.”

“You got that right, Tobs. Reign and Royals are on a tear right now. Even with Pinoe sidelined, it looks like the Reign could make a run for the top 4!” The professional soccer season was in full swing, and since only four teams made it to the playoffs each year, every point, every match counted. Especially this season, with minimal points separating the top 6 teams. However, Tobin and Meghan felt confident about their teams place at the top of the leaderboard, playing some of the best soccer they had all season.

Tobin couldn’t help but smile thinking about how successful the Royals had been since the national team return from France, and specifically since a certain striker had been reinserted into the lineup, but was pulled out of her thoughts quickly by her friends’ voice, “Hey, doesn’t CP play tonight?”

Tobin glanced at her phone and noticed that time went by much quicker than she had anticipated and it was already 3:15, and there were a few texts waiting for her reply:

2:12 PM Sonny: TOBLERONE! We still on for the games this afternoon? Lindz and I have to run a few errands on our way over, but will be there for kick off. 

2:47 PM Harold Long: Bati has been watching your back heel pass ON.LOOP. So fricken annoying - why do you have to steal everyone’s attention from me, young Harry?

A smile cracked on her face as she fired off quick replies to both her friends.

3:15 PM To Sonny: Works for me. I am with Kling now, heading back to my place shortly. I’ll prepare the goods and the TV set up. Can you bring your laptop? Will have to stream the Orlando game. CP gave me the access link to watch Utah on the TV.

3:16 PM To Harold Long: Harrison if you would once in your life accept my training sessions instead of Bati’s maybe you would be pulling those moves off too. ;)

As she was about to put her phone down, another message popped up, and instead of a smile, her heart fluttered.

3:16 PM The Real 23: Breathe, stretch, shake. Let it go. Game time. I love you, T.

Tobin giggled at her girlfriend, continuing their pregame routine even virtually. It all started in the build up to the 2012 Olympics. Tobin had been a regular on the full team since the 2008 Olympics at just 20 years old, and nerves had never been an issue for her. Her personality and nerves just didn’t mix. But, the younger girl’s call up came later in her career than anyone expected, and the pressure to do well and stay on the team invaded her thoughts constantly. Tobin found the younger girl almost shaking in her locker before her first cap and first start, and she couldn’t help but feel her heart melt a little in that moment.

She was naturally drawn to the newest striker on the national team. Mostly because the girl never wanted attention unless it was on the field, and when she was on the field, it was like she sparkled. Tobin was drawn to that energy - in one part of her life total all consuming and in another part of her life totally observational. It didn’t hurt that she was utterly gorgeous. So, cautiously, Tobin approached Christen and quietly took the seat next to her, before smoothly sliding a spare headphone into the brunette’s ear. Before, Christen could protest, Tobin grabbed her arm and said “just listen.”

As stereotypical as it was, nothing got Tobin more pumped for matches that rap she listened to in high school, so as Ma$e’s voice filled both their ears, she checked to see the other girls reaction. Green eyes lit up and a small smile appeared on her face, the shaking slowly died down and soon Christen was totally immersed in the music. As the song came to the end, Tobin took her head phone back and just smiled at the other girl.

“What? So cheesy old rap music is supposed to calm my nerves?”

Tobin just shrugged, “Just try it.”

“Try what?”

“You know, Breathe...stretch...shake” the midfielder wiggled her hips for emphasis. “Let it go. You’re going to be great out there. I’ve never seen someone shine on the pitch quite like you. I’ll be rooting for you.” She took her leave at that moment, but couldn’t help but notice that Christen’s face looked a little flushed as she walked away. Since that day, and Christen will say it was because she netted two goals, but Tobin thinks it might have been their first real moment together, the two breathe..stretch...shake...and let it go before every game.

Pulling herself from her memory bank, which over the years has just become more and more full of Christen, she finally responds to her Meghan, “Yeah, actually they are just heading out on the field now.” 

3:17 PM To The Real 23: Wake these people up and show them they keep dreaming. I love you, C. I’ll be watching - put one in the back of the net for me. 

3:18 PM The Real 23: Always for you. 

Tobin can’t help but smile at the text from Christen before rejoining her conversation with Kling. 

“Actually Sonny and Horan are coming over for both games, if you want to join?”

“Ah dang, that sounds great, but I already made plans with Ana” Meghan responds quickly as if she was hoping Tobin didn’t hear her and immediately began shuffling the papers in front of her. 

“OHHHHHHHH. Plans with Ana, huh” she nudges her friends with her shoulder.

“Shut up, dude” the shorter girl runs her hands through her cropped hair and blushes, “Just remember how I BARELY tortured you and Pressy when you started hanging out. Have mercy.”

Tobin scoffed, “I think we have different definitions of barely”. She can’t help but notice her friends downcast look “Hey, jokes aside, I am really happy for you both. If I wasn’t joking with you, you should be worried.” Meghan looked up with a smile that reached her eyes and Tobin threw her a quick wink, as she gathered her stuff of Meghan’s table. “Alright, man, I am out of here. Thanks for hosting, as per usual, I will fill Chris in on all of this tomorrow and then we can all connect sometime this weekend.”

“Sounds good, Tobs, I’ll see you at training tomorrow.”

Tobin left Kling’s house feeling accomplished and excited not only about the immediate future of their shared company, but also about getting to watch her girlfriend play. Obviously, it would be more fun to be there in person, but an overnight trip to D.C wasn’t in the cards for the west coast bound soccer player. Luckily, she didn’t need to wait long until Christen was back in Portland. The Royals had a buy week following their midweek game against the Spirit, and Lauren cleared Christen to leave the team early because they were entering the international break. 

Less than 12 hours, Tobin reminded herself, as she hopped on her longboard - her favored mode of transportation around the city. She found herself living her life not by days, but by the hours in between seeing Christen. Her teammates and friends called refer to her life in two ways “Tobin BC” and “Tobin AC” - before Christen and after Christen. And while they all certainly loved the consistency and joy that Tobin AC brought, the anxiety between visits didn’t always come easy. While a normally laid back person, even Tobin knew being away from Christen gave her a bit of an edge, but she was adamantly working on it or at least that is what she told her friends. 

She let her mind wander, as she rolled down familiar streets in Portland, never realizing that she wanted a city to feel like that - familiar. Previously thriving on the inconsistency of her life, gaining from the excitement of the unknown, she now found herself craving routine. Settling down used to scare her, now it thrills her. It wasn’t hard for her to imagine what changed. Quickly, she stops in front of a store front, leaning her board against the wall, trusting the good people of Portland.

The door chimes as Tobin walks in, her eyes scan to the counter “Hey, Haley!” 

“Tobin! Good to see you” the blonde clerk waved eagerly, “Where’s your better half?”

“Ahh, she is flying in tonight. She has a game in about an hour, actually. I am just here to pick up some provisions for the weekend.”

Haley nodded, “We just got a new shipment of the taro root chips she likes and the dark chocolate.”

Tobin smiles at the fact that the little shop on her block knows Christen’s taste preferences almost as well as she does, “Sweet! I’ll just grab a few things and be out of your hair.”

Haley goes back to inventory, as Tobin zooms around the store grabbing things for Christen, as well as to provide a little something for her guests. While it was just Emily and Lindsey, since being with Christen Tobin has been held to a much higher standard when it came to inviting people into their home. 

Their home.

It became apparent early in their relationship that together was better. Which may seem obvious, but if you asked their friends, there was a major difference once the two started dating from when they were just friends. The moving in together didn’t happen all at once, instead it was an inevitable staging of events. A drawer in Tobin’s bureau, became a new built in in her walk in closet. A key became a new security code that only the two of them knew. Sure someone could guess it was Christen’s birthday, but reversed. A flex office and workout room, because a makeshift yoga studio with a daybed for any guest that might swing through the city. A weekend every month of so, became every extended break. Every chance she had to get away from Portland. The first time Christen referred to Portland as home, Tobin swore she physically felt her heart swell.

Christen kept the apartment outside LA. Always wanting a reason to be close to her family, and to give the couple an escape from Portland. Besides, money had never been an issue for the women and Christen’s many endorsements paid for the month to month on the space, and she could always rent it out if need be. While in Utah, the club took care of her expenses, but as Christen put it, her apartment with Rachel was just a temporary place to hang her hat. Her home was in Portland. Her home was with Tobin. 

The midfielder paid for her goods, always getting more than she intends, and promises Haley that she and Christen will swing through this weekend. Apparently Christen promised Haley a vegetarian recipe for some kind of burger. Tobin quickly made her way home, her skateboard an added appendage, in fact she rode it straight into the elevator as her door man saw her coming.

“ Hey, Jimmy! Emily and Lindsey should be here around 4:30, buzz them right through.” 

“No problem, Tobin. I have my Yahoo sports app ready to go so me and the guys can watch Christen this afternoon.”

Tobin offers a quick salute as the doors close to the elevator, and she is gently pushed upwards. Bags at her feet, skateboard resting against her leg, a whistle escaping her mouth as she waits for the ding to the 7th floor, loving that Christen has even made an impression of the crew at the apartment. Exiting the elevator, she make quick work of getting to the apartment, dropping the bags off in the kitchen before checking the time and realizing she has time to hop in the shower quickly before the games started.

She dries off and throws on some Thorns gear, but can’t help to wear a pair of Christen’s Stanford sweatpants, kind of as a good luck charm. Checking the clock again, Tobin realizes that Emily and Lindsey would be there any minute, so she quickly hooks her TV up with the stream of the Utah game, before setting up a small card table for Emily’s laptop to stream the Orlando/Chicago game. Tobin was excited to see Alex back on the pitch after a much waited for return after the World Cup. She knew her friend took a beating in France, and having to delay her NWSL come back took a lot out of her. 

As she was setting down an array of chips and dips, incessant knocking echoed through her living room and she heard Lindsey chastising Sonnett through her front door.

“She can fucking hear you, Sonny. You don’t need to beat the door down.”

“I just want to make sure she is decent, you know Tobin, free spirit and all that, she might walk around in the nude for all…”

Tobin wrenched the door open before Sonnett could finish her thought, “What about me being nude?” The midfielder smirked at her friends.

“TOBSTOPPER!” Sonnett burst through the door excitedly, laptop in one hand and a 6 pack of beer in the other.

“Tobstopper?” Lindsey echoed with a question laced in her voice.

“Yeah, you know, like Gobstopper. Love a good nickname!” The defender has already made her way into the apartment and begins setting her computer up on the console below Tobin’s TV and connecting chords into the back of the television. 

“Don’t you think Tobin is unique enough of a name that it doesn’t really need a nickname?” 

“I don’t want Tobin to think I don’t like her as much as I like everyone else. If I go around calling her girlfriend “The French Press”

“Which she hates by the way” Lindsey interjects

Emily continues as if nothing happened, “and then I just call her Tobin? Wouldn’t work. Can’t start sewing the seeds of jealousy in my favorite couple.” 

“I am really not worried about that Son, you can just call me Tobin.”

“Nonsense! Okay, throw me the remote. I am going to set up a split screen, so we can watch both games at once.” If nothing else, Emily was always good for her technological skills. Tobin usually found herself watching one game on her phone and the other on her tablet.

Lindsey and Tobin make eye contact and roll their eyes at their friend. Can’t help but love her, but at times it’s obvious she spends way too much time with Kelley. Conversation flows comfortably among the three women, as they wait for the games to start. This has become routine for them, watching the league whenever they had a night off. Tobin loved being a student of the game, something she had in common with Lindsey, Sonnett just liked to be social. 

They decided to indulge in a few drinks tonight, seeing as they had a recovery day tomorrow, and would still be able to bounce back for their game on Sunday. Soon they hear the opening to the NWSL broadcast. Without question, they mute the Orlando/Chicago game, so they can hear the broadcast of the Royals/Spirit game. Tobin’s house, Tobin’s rules.

“Gonna be a tough outing with the Spirit without Rose and Mal on the field, Pressie should cut up their midfield” Lindsey points as the anthem is being played through the apartment.

Tobin just hums in response, she tries her best to not engage in projection about how her girlfriend will play. Tobin knows Christen thinks the rest of the NWSL season is make or break for her Olympic hopes, especially with unknown of the coaching position, and the midfielder feels herself getting more nervous for Christen’s production than her own.

The camera is panning across the teams, and as it moves over Christen, the striker subtly taps her heart. If the viewer weren’t looking for it, they would never notice, but Tobin does. Christen started doing this in Chicago when she knew Tobin would be watching, at times the camera doesn’t get it, but when it happens, Tobin’s heart flies.

The games begin, and before they know it, alarms sound, and the Royals and Spirit are being pulled from the field for a weather delay.

Sonnett grabs the remote and flips to single screen for the Orlando Chicago matchup, “WELL! That was anticlimactic. It’s gonna be at least 45 minutes till they go back on. Let’s just flip to the other one, and Ill follow updates on the other game on my phone.” 

They watch the back and forth of the game for a little bit, making comments here and there about formation and progress, before Lindsey brings up something unsoccer related, “Hey Tobin, would you and Chris ever angle to be traded to the same team? Seems like Ali and Ashlyn got in at the right time with the Pride expansion.”

This seems to detract all attention from the screen and onto the midfielder instead. Usually, Tobin and Christen don’t get a lot of questions about their relationship because everyone knows how personal the two take it, but ever since their time at PSG and now in Portland, Lindsey has become someone that pushes Tobin to be a little more open.

“Umm” Tobin can’t help but shift awkwardly in her seat. Talking about feelings is not her forte, usually because she wanted to deflect and pretend like she didn’t care. But, with Christen, all she did was care. She took a sip of beer to buy a little more time, letting the cool liquid soothe her throat that felt clenched. 

“Well, she tried to angle for something when the whole Houston thing happened. But, it was tough because the trade was so specific to allocated strikers.” Tobin remembers how distraught Christen was when Rory told her the news. Carli wanted a trade, and Sam and Christen were easy targets, but neither wanted Houston, but Chicago seem to want Sam more. 

Lindsey nods, almost like she hopes Tobin continues, which doesn’t happen, so the midfielder presses a little further, “Did Christen request a trade to Portland or…? I mean she ended up in Sweden, so clearly distance to you wasn’t a factor all that much.”

“Lindsey” Sonnett says harshly, “Brutal.”

“Oh shit, no Tobs, I didn’t mean it like that. I’m just saying, Christen was willing to go somewhere to find the right fit, even if that place was far away. Not because it was far from you. Obviously she would want to be near you. I’m not saying she went to Sweden to be far from you.” The rambles continue until Tobin cuts her off. 

“Hey, it’s fine. I’m why she went to Sweden anyways.”

“What do you mean?” Emily jumps in. 

Tobin takes a deep breath and just lets it rip “A deal fell through at Tacoma, which was a spot she was comfortable going, and then it looked like she was going to either have no team at all or settle for the Dash, and I didn’t want that for her. She was nervous about making the World Cup team and Jill left her off the roster for a friendly, and she was just lost in this revolving door of disappointment. She needed somewhere that needed her. Sweden is special to her. I knew it wasn’t going to be permanent. The owners in this league aren’t bonkers enough to have one of the most decorated strikers play abroad. So, we talked, I brought up the possibility of going back and it all kind of went from them.” She ends her speech with a classic noncommittal shrug. 

“Wasn’t that really hard on you?”

“You must really love her.”

Lindsey and Emily say at the same time. Tobin thought the juxtaposition was interesting. One coming from Lindsey who was struggling with the stop and go of her relationship because of her duties to the national team. The other from Emily, struggling to stay a float when she’s head over heels for someone who wants to settle down, when she’s still figuring out who she is. 

“Yes and yes. Saying bye to her never gets easier, and sending her across the world was heart wrenching. But, like I said, she asked for a short contract, her agent thought they could make a deal midseason, and Christen trusted that and I trust Christen. Sweden was temporary, she’s permanent.” 

The conversations cools for a second as the teammates watch their national teammate, Alex Morgan be looked over for a nasty collision and shortly escorted off the field with an obvious concussion. All three of them lamenting the fact that she was just cleared to play and it was taken from her so quickly. 

The Utah and Spirit game seems to be on pause indefinitely, only confirmed from a text Tobin gets from Christen

The Real 23: Rain, rain go away. Won’t be another hour till we play. Xoxo. 

The three Thorns continue watching the Orlando Chicago action and chat lightly about what’s left of their season, plans for the international break, and victory tour stops along the way. No one brings up Olympic qualifying. It seems an obvious topic of conversation, but they also know 5 of their teammates from the World Cup are guaranteed not to go and none of them can predict camp call ups. 

“Do you think the expansion will happen next year?” Sonnett asks through bites of corn chips. 

Lindsey sighs “Who knows.With Boston folding and KCFC moving, I wonder if people consider the market stable.”

“I bet we see one or two more teams. Peoplme can’t stop talking about LA. It’s bound to happen” Tobin chimes in. 

“Well we all know Alex will be the first one requesting a trade” Emily adds. 

“...and Christen” replies Tobin. “It just makes sense, she can be near her dad, we already have the apartment down there. It’s home.”

Emily and Lindsey share a look, before Lindsey speaks up, “It's a temporary home. You’re her permanent home.”

The rest of the night goes by without a hitch, Emily and Lindsey taking their leave before the Royals game ends, leaving Tobin to finish alone. While she’s disappointed the Royals didn’t pull through, it’s obvious that Christen had fun. Made evident by her megawatt smile after slipping on the grass making a last ditch effort on a long ball to the spot. 

Tobin decides to get ready for bed earlier than usual, anxious for the next day arrival of her girlfriend. Usually Tobin uses up every moment in everyday to feel accomplished, but now she values other things. She leaves Christen a note on the entry table, welcoming her home, as always, before getting her teeth brushed and face washed and climbing into freshly laundered sheets. Laying in bed she says her nightly prayers, thanking God for all the good in her life and this list continually seems to get longer. She sends Christen a short and sweet goodnight text before powering herself down and awaiting what the next day will bring. 

The bed dips and Tobin's eyes jolt open. It must be morning, because the sunlight is creeping through her window shade. No alarm was set because training wasn’t till the afternoon. She quickly rolls over and connects with the prettiest shade of green she will ever see. 

Instinctually, she reaches her hand up to cup a tanned cheek, “you’re here.”

Christen had obviously already been to the bathroom to wash off her plane ride. Her wet hair was gathered in tight bun on her head to preserve her curls, and she was just wearing one of Tobin’s oversized UNC shirts, that she claims to only wear to save space in her suitcase. The younger girl leans into Tobin’s hand before turning her face and planting a kiss on her palm. 

“Yeah, baby, I’m home.”


	2. Chapter 2

Waking up has never been Tobin’s thing, while she loved living her days to the absolute fullest, she needed to do that after a long night’s rest. In high school, her mom used to be forced to pull the blankets and sheets of Tobin and physically wrench her out of bed. This was the primary explanation for Tobin’s fashion in high school - low buns, sweatpants, and a t-shirt from some kind of soccer tournament, which were usually left scattered on her floor. As she has grown up, it resulted in being the last one to class, the last one to mandatory team breakfasts, and the quietest person on early morning bus rides. The only time that Tobin didn’t mind waking up was when Christen was in bed next to her. And, this morning, Tobin got the pleasure of just watching her girlfriend sleep. 

The striker was exhausted after playing a full 90, with a delay, and then a very early morning wake up call to catch the first flight out of D.C. She crawled into bed at about 9:45 this morning, and her eyes fluttered shut almost the second her head hit the pillow. Tobin, on the other hand, was full of energy. All the anticipation she had felt for the past few days waiting for Christen was now coursing through her veins as she was finally laying next to the woman. She was thrilled that Christen was staying with her until they flew out to Philadelphia Monday night, and the fact that Christen would be able to watch her play live with the Thorns on Sunday. Her mind was racing with ideas of what to do over the next few days, most of them involved both women in various states of undress in their bedroom, others were a little more family friendly, but they all focused around her girlfriend.

Her eyes fell on the dark haired beauty next to her, and Tobin’s breath caught in her throat at just how beautiful she was. Sometimes Christen’s beauty caught her completely off guard, no matter how long they have been together, and she hopes it never stops. Christen was a stomach sleeper and right now she was sprawled on her front, with one arm tucked securely under her pillow, but her right hand was latched onto Tobin’s shirt, her pinky finger lightly resting on the midfielders slightly exposed midsection. Christen’s breath came slow and steady in her sleep. Her hair still pulled up in a bun, Tobin’s UNC shirt had ridden up a little and exposed a tanned back and the start of black underwear, but the rest of her legs were covered by a white down comforter. Christen was the one to influence Tobin into purchasing the down comforter. Apparently she was tired of sleeping with a fleece blanket and told Tobin that since she was an adult it was time to sleep like one.

Glancing at the clock on her bedside table, Tobin groaned knowing she had to get moving and get ready for training. She slowly started to extract herself from the bed, before realizing that Christen’s grip on her shirt was much stronger than she had anticipated. As she tried to disentangle herself from her girlfriend, the grip turned into a tug, and Christen fisted at Tobin’s shirt pulling the midfielder deeper into the bed.

“I know you’re not trying to get out of this bed without kissing me good morning” the younger woman, with her eyes still closed, lightly chastised Tobin with a small smile on her face.

“I know you’re not trying to kiss me without brushing your teeth. Girl, you nasty!” Tobin chided right back as she wrapped her arms around Christen and buried her face into her neck. “Good morning” she whispered and peppered a few kisses onto Christen’s pulse point and neck. Inhaling the sweet scent of the woman.

Christen squeezed her back “I’ll have you know that I’ve only been asleep for 3 hours, max. There is no way my breath is that bad.” She cupped her hand around her mouth and nose briefly and exhaled, “Well, it’s good not great.”

Tobin can’t help but smile broadly. “Okay, Dwight.” The striker’s humor came out in little moments like this. If someone were to ask the team, most would probably say Christen had a very quiet humor to her. Shining through in storytelling, references to pop culture, and in small moments of quips. Her humor was so different than that of Pinoe or Kelley or Sonnett. More understated and earned, and Tobin loved it.

“I’m assuming you need to go to training?”

“Unfortunately.”

Christen hums quietly, the sound reverberating through her throat and onto the crown of Tobin’s head. The midfielder adjusted slightly on the bed, so she could lay a soft kiss on her girlfriends lips. Christen takes the opportunity to deepen the kiss and swiftly anchors her hand in Tobin’s hair. Just as Tobin is about to get lost in the kiss, her brain cuts in.

“Ahh, ahh. We can’t start that. Training starts in an hour and a half, and I need to see the trainers.”

Christen pouts slightly and runs her hands over the hem of Tobin’s shirt lightly running her fingers across her lower abs, “I can be quick, I promise.” She leans back in, trying to entice Tobin with her pouty lips, but Tobin knows better than to give.

“I don’t want to be quick. I want to take my time with you” she husks and Christen’s eyes hood, and she throws herself down onto the bed with a huff.

“THAT’S NOT FAIR, TOBIN” she chides through her hands that are covering her face.

Laughter fills the room from both women, “Stay in bed love. I can tell you’re still tired. I am just going to make some coffee and hit the road. I’ll be home before you know it.” Tobin begins to place kisses on Christen’s hands which are still covering her face, before the striker gets the message and frees her face allowing Tobin to kiss her properly.

Tobin is rummaging around the room getting her soccer bag together, as Christen bunkers back down under the covers. “I’ll come meet you at the stadium - do you think you’ll be done by 4?” 

“That sounds about right, but really baby, just stay here and catch up on some rest.”

“If I don’t get moving soon, my internal clock will be all thrown off. I will get up soon and get some light yoga in before coming down to the stadium. I want to go check out that new apartment building I sent you the other day anyways, maybe we can walk over there. Plus, I had 20 texts from Sonnett yesterday, so I should probably make a small effort to see her.” 

For a few weeks, Christen had been talking about looking at new apartments in Portland. She loved Tobin’s place, but she wanted a place that was theirs, both names on the lease, both paying for rent. Tobin had adamantly refused any offering of money from Christen to cover the cost of rent, arguing she had to live somewhere anyways and it wasn’t anymore expensive just because Christen lived there. It filled her heart that her girlfriend wanted to make this city an even more permanent home.

“Sounds great, C. I will make some extra coffee for you and I’ll see you in a few hours.” Tobin threw her bag over her shoulder and was about to walk out of the bedroom.

Christen cleared her throat loudly, making Tobin turn around in her wake and look back at her bed. There was Christen, sitting up against the headboard with her hands folded in lap, head turned towards the door, eyes closed, and lips pointed pursed in a kiss. Tobin laughs before striding back to the bed and putting a hand on Christen’s cheek and pulling her in for a kiss.

“Bye, love.”

“I love you, Tobin.”

The weight of Christen’s words make Tobin’s breath catch. She leans down to kiss her again, “I love you the most.”

As Tobin makes her way into the kitchen, she finds a little display in front of her coffee machine. A pound of her favorite coffee from Blue Bottle, which Christen must have picked up while traveling, a new travel mug that says “Someone who loves me went to D.C and bought me this mug”, and a note from Christen.

T <3

If waking up next to me wasn’t enough to get you going for the day, I hope this extra jolt of caffeine in this SUPER cool cup will do the trick.

More than words.

C <3

All she wants to do is run back into the bedroom and show Christen just how much she loves her, but she knows that she is already running dangerously close to being late for training. She quickly grinds enough coffee for a pot and gets the machine going, as she hits the fridge to grab a protein shake and throws an apple in her bag for the walk to the stadium. She is not a big eater before training, but knows she will need some sugar for energy. As the coffee machine dings, she pours the hot liquid into the new mug before making her way out of the apartment. As she hits the street, she pulls out her cell phone to send a quickly selfie to Christen with her and her new mug. It takes a few minutes to get a response back, but she finds herself swiping open a picture of the other woman on their couch clutching her own cup of coffee with a big smile.

She always assumed that training would be miserable when she knew Christen was waiting for her at home, but ironically, Tobin loved training when Christen was home. She felt so inspired, so sharp, so technical. Her teammates on the other hand hated it because Tobin in peak form was everyone’s worst nightmare. Not only was she incredible on the ball, her off ball movement was smart and elusive, her runs were direct, her defending was tenacious, and she won every sprint. Long story short, everyone else paled in comparison. 

After one particularly devastating run where Tobin ended up on the back end of a fantastic ball from Gabby and juked not only Emily Sonnett, but also A.D in one hip motion, Sonnett couldn’t help but throw a few jabs at her teammate. 

“Ugh! We get it! You’re happy Christens here, you’re happy, and happy Tobin is a productive Tobin, but this is getting downright embarrassing for the rest of us. What are you going to do when she’s actually in the stands? Develop the ability to fly?” 

Pretty soon, even Mark caught on to the greatness emanating off his star midfielder. During a water break, where Tobin is animatedly explaining to Midge why a particular nutmeg in the channel was a better decision than a cross, Mark couldn’t help but drop a comment, “Oy, Heath, if this is what happens when Press is around, I might actually need to entertain a trade for her this off-season.” He clasps his hand on the midfielders shoulder with a wide smile.

Whatever chatter had been happening came to an abrupt halt at the coach's words. Tobin and Christen weren’t public about their relationship, but both their clubs, coaches and staff included, knew of their relationship in order to keep things above board and professional. The Royals staff, especially Laura Harvey was beyond supportive, allowing Christen to return to Portland often, trusting her to recover on her own, and even train at times. Mark, while not unsupportive, seemed to be less understanding and less flexible with Tobin. So comments about Christen, even ones that were meant to be funny, never sat well. 

“I think any sensible coach would want Christen because of her own ability. You know top 5 scorers in the NWSL all time, most efficient scorer at that, over 100 caps with the national team, 46 international goals, leading the team in assists through 2019, Herman trophy winner, all time leading point scorer at Stanford. A quick google could tell you all that, but yup my play at training is definitely the most important aspect in getting her on our team.” Tobin snaps back rather quickly, and maybe a bit rashly, and then immediately turns her attention elsewhere, “Linds, lets go work on those crosses from the by line.”

Tobin walked away immediately and Lindsey quietly followed her friend, and not wanting to seem shaken by the small confrontation, Mark loudly addressed the rest of the team, “that’s not a bad idea, let's get into some small teams and work on accuracy through the box. Here we go!” Tobin couldn’t help but roll her eyes as she jogged towards the far goal, as far from her coach as she could get.

“Hey” Lindsey catches up to her friend and grabs the side of her shirt, “You good?”

“Yeah, man” she replies, but doesn’t make eye contact. “Just” Tobin falters a little “ya know, it’s hard when people don’t take it seriously. He also had a fucking chance at Christen, and didn’t make a move for her, so it’s a touchy subject.”

“Mark is an idiot sometimes, a good coach, but an idiot. He has no right to make a comment about Christen, but he is trying to be funny, he wants to be our friends and at times it gets weird. That wasn’t okay, but don’t let him faze you. 25 minutes and we are out of here.” The younger girl gives Tobin a confident smile, before rainbowing the ball over both their heads and chasing after it, “Come on, Heath. Time for me to show you how it’s really done.”

Tobin quickly chases after her friend, and the rest of training goes by quickly and without any further tension. She does avoid all eye contact with her coach, and disappears into the locker room when he calls the session over. Teammates give her a pat on the back during wind down, knowing that she is probably still reeling from the interaction. Kling walks into the locker room and gives her a quick pat on the head before whispering to now draw attention to them, “Shoulders back, Heath. Don’t let that comment ruin your time with Christen and everything coming up. Not worth it.” Tobin pats her friend on the back and focuses herself on quickly getting showered and out the door, because she knows what’s waiting.

“You want to hang out with us, Kling? I know Chris would love to see you.”

“Oh, she and I are going to lunch tomorrow. We made plans the other day. Without you, by the way, I need my Pressie time.” Meghan sticks her tongue out at Tobin, as she heads to hit the showers.

Sonnett and Lindsey beg Tobin to wait for them because they want to see Christen, too, and know if Tobin doesn’t wait then she will steal Christen away without a second glance back. So, the midfielder begrudgingly hangs back, while still rushing her friends through their post training routines. Even though it’s only 25 minutes since they left the field when they make their way out of the building, Tobin still feels like it has taken forever to get moving. But, then she sees her, leaning against the lightpost nearest the players entrance, scrolling through her phone. 

Tobin’s breath is sucked from her longs. Even in her most casual of outfits, a pair of joggers, a lightweight funnel neck sweatshirt, her favorite Balenciaga slides, hair in a tight bun on her head, all tied together with a pair of designer sunglasses, Christen shines. While Tobin gets lost in the beauty in front of her, the pair of younger teammates behind her bowl past her to reach her girlfriend first.

“Oh my god, I forgot how fucking hot you are” Sonnett basically yells, as she pulls the older girl into a bone crushing hug. Christen laughs back, and to Tobin it sounds like the heavens opening.

“Aren’t you just a charmer” Christen chides Sonnett, while planting a kiss on the defenders cheek. Tobin can’t help but smirk at how red Emily’s face gets. The younger girl is going through a tough time at the moment, but she is constantly using her humor as a defense mechanism, and it has been Christen’s goal to make her more comfortable with not only herself, but her sexuality. So whenever Emily egregiously flirts as a joke, but probably not really a joke, Christen flirts right back. 

Lindsey shoves Sonnett away so she can get in on the hugging action and lifts Christen joyfully off the ground, which makes the older girl erupt in laughter yet again.

“What a welcoming committee. You two should teach Tobin how to make someone feel loved, because I could get used to this.” Tobin scoffs from her place on the sidewalk, as she receives a quick wink from her girlfriend who sidles up to her quickly, and pulls her into a side hug so she can plant a quick, discreet kiss under her ear and breathes “Hi, baby.” While they aren’t out, and even though they knew everyone knows, they still try to be as professional and platonic in public as possible.

A blush runs up Tobin’s neck and she is hoping Sonnett and Lindsey are too distracted to see it. She runs a hand down Christen’s arm and squeezes the back of elbow before addressing her friends “What do you two got today? Wanna mill around with us for a bit?”

“Yeah! I have been craving some Ken’s and then I am dragging Tobin over to a new apartment building I want to check out.” Christen steps forward and links arms with both younger players, as she leads them in the direction of Ken’s bakery, which is only a few blocks from the stadium.

“OH MY GOD. We can act like we are on House Hunters and you and Tobin are the couple, and Lindz and I are the real estate agents who show you ridiculous houses that based on your job descriptions there is no way you should be able to afford” Emily beams at the group, clearly jazzed about the idea. “So you” she gestured at Christen “design high fashion, eco-friendly ant farms and you” pointing at Tobin “illustrate the album covers for hard core metal children’s bands.”

“What’s your budget?” Lindsey chimes in.

“6 million dollars” Christen caps off the joke, as the three lead the way down the block, leaving Tobin behind to catch up to the pack.

Tobin rolls her eyes at the antics of her three teammates, but at the same time can’t help but smile. It fills her to the brim to see how easily Christen fits in with her life in Portland, and how easily she gets long with Emily and Lindsey. Christen has always beat to her own drum, and at times has struggled to connect with Tobin’s friends like Alex and Allie. It was never that Alex and Allie didn’t love Christen as a person or a teammate, but they struggled to understand Christen in the way Tobin does. Of all the women on the national team, Christen was definitely one of the more eccentric ones. She put a lot of stock in karma, and energy, and mediation, and yoga. Things that someone as direct and to the point as Alex struggled to get behind. Tobin found it fascinating how Christen’s mind worked and what she put her faith in. But, Emily and Lindsey took it in stride, and formed connections with Christen that transcended those differences. Besides, Tobin will always believe that Alex still holds a grudge that Christen beat her out for the Hermann trophy senior year of college.

Soon, all four girls are walking together, though Tobin has decided to not link arms and walk like Dorothy and friends in the Wizard of Oz, much to Sonnett’s chagrin. They head into Ken’s so Christen can get coffee and a pastry, which Tobin swears she doesn’t want any of, but ends up sneaking a bite when her girlfriend is distracted. Lindsey and Emily both end up getting coffee as well, but Tobin sticks with her protein shake. They grab a table outside and enjoy the weather for a little bit.

Emily bumps Tobin out of the way so she can pull Christen’s chair our for her, “My lady” she says as she assists the striker into her chair, which causes Tobin to yet again roll her eyes and laugh when she sees Christen reach out and rub Emily’s cheek, which immediately reddened on the contact. A few years ago, this might have driven Tobin nuts seeing another girl openly flirt with someone that was hers, and then seeing her girlfriend respond to said flirtation, but Christen flipped that entire narrative on its head. Never making Tobin feel unseen, unfelt, unheard. In fact, immediately after Christen touched Emily’s cheek, she reached out and pulled Tobin into the seat next to her, and scooter her chair closer so she could hook their ankles. 

“My goodness, Emily, so chivalrous this afternoon. How has someone not snatched you up already?” Tobin eyes snapped up and caught Lindsey’s as both of them were deciding whether or not to run interference for their friend, but Christen reached over and grabbed Emily’s hand as if she knew exactly what she was doing. “We can talk about it, Emily. I might know a thing or two about being in love with a teammate who is unavailable.” Tobin drops her hand onto the small of her girlfriends back, finding purchase on the small expanse of skin that shows between her sweatshirt and pants. She rubs small circles there, grounding herself as Christen brings up a time that Tobin wished she could take back and do again. A time where she danced around her feelings for Christen, and used the excuse of someone else as reason to not confront what she really wanted. 

Lindsey has discreetly moved closer to Emily, as the defender opens her mouth to respond to Christen, but has to take a few deep breaths, “I am not in love with her.” Tobin watches as Christen squeezes Emily’s hand and waits patiently for her to continue, as her other hand drops onto Tobin’s thigh and pulses three times against her leg, a subtle message. “Well, I don’t think I am in love with her. I don’t know. Were you really in love with Tobin back then? Even when she was with Shirley and nothing had happened between the two of you.”

Once again, Tobin makes eye contact with Lindsey, who drops her head to her side and raises her eyebrows, almost like making sure Tobin is okay with the direction of the conversation. Lindsey has been privy to so much of Tobin’s life, seeing as she was there for the many phases of her love life. Knowing her relationship with Shirley very intimately, and supporting her through the struggle that was coming to terms with her feelings for Christen, and then the aftermath. She quickly nods at her friends and relaxes even more when Christen releases Emily’s hand and leans back into her chair, forcing Tobin to drop her arm around her waist.

Christen takes Emily’s question seriously, “Well, maybe I wasn’t IN love with her way back then, but I knew that being around her made me feel like I had more purpose. There wasn’t a second during that World Cup camp and the tournament in general where I didn’t want to be in her presence. Whether it was one on one or next to each other in a huddle or warming up together. I would steal any moment I could with her. I wasn’t obtuse to the way I felt about her, but it was complicated. She had Shirley, Vero and I were, well I don’t know, that was a relationship of convenience, but she was still important enough to me that I knew I couldn’t just move on that quickly.”

The three other women at the table are totally wrapped up in Christen’s words, Tobin had never actually heard Christen explain the beginning of their relationship to anyone before, and she was trying her best not to grab the strikers face and plant kisses all over her face. Christen grabs her coffee to buy some time and find her words, “But, there was just something about Tobin that was so uniquely her. Something I had never experienced before and I realized after those few months that I didn’t want to be without it again, and I almost didn’t care if it was just as friends or as lovers. I mean, I knew how I felt, I knew that every time we made eye contact my stomach dropped to my toes, and when we would touch, no matter how innocently, my tongue would go dry. I knew that I wanted her in ways that weren’t friendly, but I also knew that I needed her, even if it was only as a friend. I knew I had to respect and support her relationship with Shirley and let her figure that out. I would never want to be the reason a relationship ended.”

“But, you were the reason” all their heads snapped towards Tobin and Christen narrowed her eyes slightly. Lindsey whispered a quiet “Uh-oh” and looked way awkwardly, as only Lindsey could. 

“Tobin, that’s not…” Christen begins to bristle as she sits up straighter and tighter. 

“Wait, wait, I don’t mean it in a bad way “ she responds quickly and feels some tension leave Christen’s shoulders “I mean that if it weren’t for Christen coming into my life, at that specific point and being everything she is as a friend and person, and making me realize what love could be or I guess what love means, or what I want love to mean to me, I never would have realized that what I had with Shirley wasn’t the real deal. It was great, but it wasn’t permanent. So, in that way you’re the reason I broke up with Shirley. I didn’t break up with Shirley so I could immediately start dating Christen. I broke up with Shirley so I could let myself be completely and fully happy and committed to someone else. That someone just happened to be Christen.” Tobin’s words make her girlfriend blush furiously, as she lifts a hand and briefly cups Tobin’s cheek, brushing some hair behind her ears, and ghosting over the shell of ear, before dropping her hand back on Tobin’s thigh, but the two women couldn’t break eye contact. 

“I am going to throw up if you two don’t stop” Lindsey chides them and subtly nods at Emily, so that the two older players refocus. 

Tobin winks and nods at Christen, who quickly clears her throat and redirects her attention, “But, to be fair, Tobin and I were at similar places in our lives, and in a different place than you are now. That makes a difference.”

“What you were 27 and I am 26?” Emily responds jokingly, clearly trying to find an escape.

“Excuse me! Tobin was 27, I was still 26” Christen responds and Emily rolls her eyes, “I am kidding, Em. I mean that we had both already done some big exploring in our lives. Tobin was back from Paris, I had just wrapped up 3 years in Sweden, completely refreshing my outlook on life, love, soccer, everything. I think we were both ready to put down some metaphorical roots. I used to be so insanely focused on product, but with Tobin I was in for the process of falling in love with her. This is a journey, we are completely different now than we were 4 years ago.”

“So you’re saying because she’s 32 and in a different place in her life that it’s not going to work?”

“Not at all, I am saying you need to show her you can match her process. Sure, she is in a different place. Her career is likely winding down, and you’re really just getting started. She might want to think about settling down, and maybe you are still finding your place in this crazy world, but that doesn’t mean that those two rivers can’t run simultaneously. You just need to figure out if you can match her process or if you want to match her process.” Christen takes another sip of her coffee letting her words sink in, and pushes her pastry towards Tobin with a smile, and the midfielder can’t help but reach out and take another bite. She’s surprised at how easily Christen explains their relationship to Emily and can’t help but assume this is something she has been processing for a while.

Tobin is pulled from her thoughts as she hears Lindsey speak out “Emily, the two of you have undeniable chemistry and clearly care about each other in a way that isn’t platonic. Sure, she is with someone else right now, but that doesn't mean the door is closed, it just means you need to be there for her in a different way, and be okay with the fact that you might have to just be her friend. Like Christen said, is she someone you just need in your life because you have feelings for her or because you need her.”

Emily sighs and runs her hands over her blonde locks, “It is so hard to think about just being her friend. The whole stomach to the toes, dry tongue thing? I get that constantly. It’s like my whole body turns to rubber when I am with her.”

“When Christen and I first started seeing each other, before anyone knew, or when we thought no one knew, I used to stutter all the time. It was like I had lost all recall to words, she just made me so excited, it wasn’t even nerves, I just couldn’t contain myself around her.”

“When did it stop?”

“Once I knew she was staying.”

“I might not get that benefit, Tobs” Emily says defeatedly. Now it's Tobin’s turn to grab Emily’s hand.

“Look, Em, I have known Kelley for a really long time. And she’s different with you. Just give her the time and space to figure herself out, I am not saying it will be what you want, but don’t push her away because you’re nervous about your feelings. She knows.”

Emily looks at her wildly. “Hey, hey, it’s okay that she knows. It’s better she knows. I knew Christen liked me, and it gave me a lot of perspective. Her patience gave me the most perspective though, she was always around but she wasn’t pressuring me to make a decision. It gave me agency over what I wanted.”

“It’s not going to be easy” Christen adds on “you just need to decide if it’s worth it.”

“Would you change how you did anything?”

Tobin feels Christen’s eyes on her and slowly turns her head to make eye contact with her. Christen squeezes her thigh again before replying, “Except making the national team earlier, so I could have her sooner? Nothing.”


	3. Chapter 3

“I am going to run inside to use the bathroom” Christen leans over to whisper into Tobin’s ear “The address for the apartment building is already in my maps” sliding her phone into Tobin’s hand, before she moves gracefully to the other side of the table, as she slowly reaches over and subtly touches Lindsey’s arm, gesturing her head towards the inside of the cafe. Lindsey seems a bit surprised at Christen’s non-verbal question, but drains her own coffee and quickly follows the older woman inside. 

At that moment Tobin thinks nothing of the interaction, and focuses her attention back on Emily who is scrolling on her phone with a soft smirk on her face, which Tobin takes as her going through memes not noticing the exit of their two friends. Emily seems engrossed in whatever is on her phone, so instead of trying to engage in conversation, Tobin leans back in her seat and takes in the quiet for a moment. Her hand finds purchase on Christen’s phone, as she plays with the screen. She could easily open the phone, having memorized the lock code months ago, but she feels no desire to know what content lays within. Not out of fear, but out of trust. Instead, she looks at Christen’s lock screen photo. A picture of a much younger Christen in front of a random park, being held by her late mom.

The girl couldn’t be more than 5 years old. Her hair is wild and curly (Christen always says her hair was far more manageable when she was younger, but this photo says the opposite), her eyes as green as ever. Tobin smiles at the little face of the woman she loves. With chubby cheeks, a toothless smile, and pure happiness written all over it. And there stands Stacy, a woman Tobin had come to love over the past few years, beaming down at her young daughter, holding her tightly around the middle. Huge smiles rip across both faces in the photo. She has seen this photo countless times, but her throat still constricts and tears threaten to fall. Losing Stacy had been something they had prepared for, but was still so shockingly unexpected.

Tobin remembers the day so vividly. It was the day after a big win against a newly improved Spanish squad. Christen had been the star, proving yet again why she deserves her place on the national team, no matter how good other strikers are or whatever conclusions people have drawn about past performances. Whizzing past just about every person on the field, including herself and she started the play 15 yards upfield from Christen, she netted the game winner and only goal of the game. She also got to see her best friend from her time abroad, Jenni, which always breathed life into the woman.

The couple had already planned to fly back to Los Angeles, which they did often now that Stacy’s health had been deteriorating. Both of them wanting to spend as much time with the Press family as possible. Tobin had been a tent pole for the entire family over the past months, but especially for Christen. But, upon landing and Christen turning her phone on, their bubble from the day before had surely burst.

Tobin had Christen’s phone in her hand that day, just like now, looking at a text from Tyler.

From T Sparkle 1:27 PM: Please call when you land. We are at Mercy General. It’s time. I love you. She loves you.

There were times over the past 6 months that Tobin wondered if Christen even had time to process everything that she had been through this year. The all consuming guilt she felt for always being on the road, with the absolute joy she knew her soccer career gave to her mom. Most people would never know that Christen had suffered such tragedy, because she never let it impact her relationships, her friendships, her work, or her drive. Well, at least that is how she presented. 

Tobin can’t look at the photo anymore and quickly punches in Christen’s code to check out the location of the apartment, but is instead met with her own photo. One Christen snuck on a day off during the World Cup this summer, Tobin strolling towards Christen, down a narrow side street in Paris, her hand outstretched touching the stones of a building, with the smallest glint of the Eiffel Tower in the background. A smile on her face that is only reserved for Christen.

Her girlfriend pulses life through her veins like no one ever has before. Making her feel more alive, more excited, and more free than she has most of her life. Christen turned an average day into a magical one with her lightness, her laughter, and her spontaneity. All of which Tobin knew she reserved for special moments. Christen didn’t worry about whether people thought she was fun, all she care was that those she love knew she loved them back. Tobin felt that love so truly. And, as someone who seeks adventure, she found her greatest one in Christen. But, at the same time, Christen made her feel calm, still, and centered. She exuded an energy that forced Tobin to breathe deeper, think clearer, and love fuller, love realer. 

Tobin never had trouble loving. Her sisters, Katie and Perry, always worried about her growing up because Tobin wanted to take care of everyone, most times putting herself second, and forgetting that she needed to be taken care of as well. She wore her heart on her sleeve and would give anything to another human and thing for that matter. 

One time, as a young girl, she accidentally stepped on an ant hill and noticed some ants crushed, lifeless on the soles of her shoes. It took hours for her to be consoled by her mother that this was all part of life’s cycle. Most people don’t know this a big reason why Tobin doesn’t wear shoes that often, she's worried about crushing another living being. As Tobin came to develop romantic feelings for other people, Katie and Perry warned her about being too open, worried that she might get hurt or taken advantage of her. 

This was especially true when it came to Shirley and Tobin spent more time and money on plane rides to see her girlfriend, than her girlfriend ever did. Oddly enough, when her sisters met Christen there was no warnings, no hushed conversations in corners, instead just smiles and admissions of how wonderful she was. Christen made Tobin feel alive and feel present at the same time, just like the city of Portland. Made her feel like it was okay to slow down. It was no wonder Tobin consider both things to be home.

“We just got our flight information for Philadelphia, looks like we are on a different flight than you and Christen...weird” Sonnett has clearly moved on from looking at memes and is now in her emails.

Tobin is pulled from her thoughts, “What time are you leaving?”

“They have me, AD, and Lindsey flying out at 10 AM and landing around 4.”

Tobin consults her own phone, pretending to be surprised by the information, but in reality she knows when her flight out of Portland is, seeing as she had to rearrange the team determined travel to make sure she and Christen flew in first class and landed in time for their dinner reservations with Pinoe, Ashlyn, and Ali. She thinks she has made enough of a show and replies “Oh, so weird, looks like Chris and I leave around noon and land before 6.”

Sonnett looks suspiciously at her teammate, “Why are you flying Delta? Don’t we always fly American for these cross country trips?” 

Tobin feels a heat rising up her neck, she can’t understand why she finds the need to hide this stuff, especially since she and Christen have been requesting special travel plans since they started dating seriously around Olympic qualifiers a few years back. The agent was never surprised to see an email from Tobin or Christen requesting a switch or upgrade that the women paid for themselves. This particular trip allowed for the women to fly “Delta One” which Christen has dubbed the Ritz Carlton of the Sky. Tobin actually hadn’t told her girlfriend she requested the upgrade. Meant to be a surprise since the two were coming up on a stretch of being away from each other.

Her head was spinning, trying to come up with a justification for Sonny, when, as if scripted, Christen and Lindsey exit the store front and make their way towards their table. Lindsey is tucking her phone back into the pocket of her hoodie.

“TOBIN!” Christen almost squeals as she literally skips back to the table, “I just saw the travel arrangements. Did you upgrade us to Delta One?” The striker throws her arms around her neck and squeezes her tightly, planting a kiss just below her ear and whispering “the things you do for me” before kissing her again.

“DAMN, T!” Lindsey interrupts “Delta One? I’ve heard it’s unreal.”

Tobin peels herself away from Christen, but not far enough to completely detach herself “Yeah, well, my girl has expensive tastes, so I gotta keep up. Just means ramen dinners for the rest of the season” She throws a wink in Christen’s direction, before looking over at Sonny, who has her eyes locked on the couple with a curious smile on her face.

“Oh, please. You act like you don’t love it. We flew first class to London for the Grassroots Gala, and Tobin was bemoaning the experience the whole way to the airport, saying that we didn’t need to pay this much, and we should just sit economy. And then when we landed back in LA and flew up to Portland, she complained the entire time about how the seats were too small, and there was no hot towel. It was a complete 180!”

“You have another convert, Pressy” Lindsey chides at her friend. “Pretty soon, Tobin will be wearing all gucci everything.”

“Believe me” Christen rests her hand on Tobin’s shoulder, “Her closet is worth more than mine. Sneakers ALONE!” 

Tobin can’t help but get a little awkward, “Alright, alright. Let’s move on shall we. Ready to go see this apartment?”

“Nothing like convincing us you two don’t have expensive taste than by showing us what is bound to be one of the nicest apartments in Portland, while the two of us are stuck living in a group home with the Aussies.”

“Preach” Sonnet jumps in, while offering her roommate a high five.

The four women slowly make their way towards the apartment building, Sonnett and Lindsey leading the way after finding the place on Christen’s phone.None of them are in a rush, and instead enjoy the city walk for a bit. The two younger girls spend most of their time trying to trip one another while attempting to capture it on Instagram. Tobin and Christen hang back a bit, letting them have their time and actively avoiding too much social media. 

Their relationship and social media has always been an interesting balance. In reality, neither of them were hiding from anyone about loving each other, but both of them have grown to appreciate the semblance of privacy. However, being sponsored athletes, and promoters of a new brand, social media was a necessary evil in their lives. Christen does enjoy leaving more easter eggs for their fans than Tobin, but both are content with sharing their relationship with those who love them. They know eventually, as their future inevitably progress, that they will have to be “out” to everyone, but for now they both were happy.

Christen had her hand wrapped around Tobin’s bicep as they made their way through the streets of Portland, a city both had grown to love so much.

“So, why did you pull Lindsey to the bathroom with you?”

“Hmm?” Christen responds noncommittally as if she doesn’t know what Tobin is talking about. “I didn’t pull her with me.”

“Chris” Tobin teases “It might be creepy, but I have a habit of watching you, almost incessantly. She didn’t get up with you, she followed after you touched her shoulder.”

“Gosh, stalker” she squeezed her girlfriends bicep “let me live!”

Tobin laughs as Christen fake runs away from her “Come on, seriously.”

Christen exhales and focuses her eyes on the goofballs in front of them, who are now doing fake “man on the street interviews” with innocent by passers. Allie would be so proud of them.

“I think Lindsey gets lost in the shuffle up here at times.”

“Lost in the…”

Before Tobin can keep going, Christen grabs her hand and slows their pace to almost a stand still and finds her girlfriends eyes, “It’s nothing anyone is doing to her.” Clearly saying this first to assuage Tobin’s fear of not being a good friend to the younger woman. “It’s just the position she’s always been in and I think it gets exacerbated with the bouncing back from National Team to Club. She has almost as much professional experience as you or I, but she is not quite a veteran. She is lumped in with Emily, Mal, Sammy, and Rose but experiences life at a different rhythm than they do. She wants so badly to be in both camps, but kind of floats in the middle. I think at times she is more lost than we realize or notice, because she is so fucking good.”

Christen shrugs before slowing moving them down the street, as they have almost lost Sonny and Lindsey, “I just want to make sure she feels seen.”

Tobin leans offer and plants a kiss on Christen’s temple, “You’re amazing, you know that?”

The younger woman blushes. “I’m not…”

“I’m serious, Chris. You just...I don’t know, like, you really notice things.You truly care about those around you. You’re so selfless. I am so lucky.”

Christen quickly scans the street before kissing Tobin firmly on the lips, “Those two are your family up here.”

“Our family.”

“Right, our family. I love them and want to make sure they know that.”

The two older women keep walking in a comfortable silence, slowly catching up to their teammates who were now crowded over Emily’s phone rewatching their own videos before posting to various social media or probably sending to Rose for pre-approval. The apartment building slowly came into view. 

“Plus” Christen breaks the silence, “She is so in love with Emily it’s absurd.”

“HEY!” She shouts up to the two women before giving Tobin a chance to respond “You ready to see the most amazing walk in closets of your lives!” She wraps her arms around both girls who jokingly lift her up off the ground as if she is floating.

Tobin is left behind, totally flabbergasted.

Later, she thinks. Before jogging to catch up yet again and walking towards the apartment together.

“I am sure Miss Kelley already has dibs on the guest room, but can I have dibs on the claw foot tub when I can’t make it back home after your house warming party.”

Tobin smacks the back of Emily’s head as they are greeted by the building manager.

-

“Man, Chris” Tobin calls out to her girlfriend from her place on their couch. She is scrolling through her phone when she comes across the photo Christen had posted on her Instagram. It was from their evening walk on their way to dinner. Christen is decked out in high waisted jogger jeans, a re-shirt, her favorite Chanel high top sneakers, iced coffee in hand, leaning against a cement barricade. “You’re not giving our fans a chance are you? Are you trying to break the internet?”

Christen walks out of the bathroom, freshly showered, her pajamas on with a towel in her hand wringing out her hair. There is a devilish smile on her face and her eyes are bright, “You’re the one who took the photo. I thought it was cute.” She shrugged as she headed back towards the bedroom.

Tobin quickly follows her path and leans up against the doorframe, as she watched Christen put product in her hair at the bureau “I took it because the sun was so perfect, and you looked just so beautiful. I have a whole album in my phone of pictures of you, just you, just like the one today.” Christen beams at her quickly before looking back in the mirror and continuing her routine, “I didn’t take it so you could cause tens of thousands of girls to lose their minds.”

Christen hums quietly, finishing her primping. Tobin watches her eyes wide, waiting for a response from the younger woman. Instead, Christen just grabs the towel she was using to dry her hair, scoots past Tobin in the doorframe, not before dragging a hand across her midriff and walking back towards the bathroom. 

For what feels like the hundredth time today, Tobin follows her girlfriend. Christen had gone to hang up her towel in the bathroom, before heading towards the kitchen and putting the tea kettle on the stove with some fresh water. 

“No response? Just gonna let all those fans suffer, wondering “will they or won’t they finally come out?” This looks like Portland. Is she in PORTLAND? Wait are those Tobin’s sunglasses? Are they together? Did Tobin take this picture?”

Christen leans against the counter smiling at her as she continues down the rabbit hole of fans responses, “And before you know it, there will be an exact GPS coordinates of where we were today. Our fans are real sleuths, my love.”

Yet again, Christen hums in response, not playing into Tobin’s futile attempts to rile her up. She approaches the midfielder and wraps her arms around her middle, before resting her chin and her shoulder and taking a deep breath. Like she was breathing Tobin in.

She leans back, arms still wrapped tightly around her girlfriend, but looking at her straight on “T, I have been madly in love with you for four years. And I wasted too much of that time being worried about what people saw. If you saw it. If our teammates saw it. If my family saw it. And now if the fans see it. At this point, my life with you is more important than anything else. If a picture of me breaks the internet because people thinks we might be dating, so be it. I don’t want to care about that anymore. I just want to love you fully. That fullness can be quiet, it can be loud, it can be private, it can be public, as long as it is full. I have been through too much this year to worry about whether or not I am wearing your sunglasses in a photo. I just want to live. With you” She shrugs before placing a quick, but deep kiss on Tobin lips as the tea kettle whistles.

Tobin watches as Christen busies herself making a cup of tea, for not only herself but Tobin as well. Amazed at just how powerful Christen is with her words, and how deeply she is in love with the woman in front of her. Christen passes Tobin on the way to the couch, handing her the mug of hot liquid with just a little milk in it.

She sits down before pulling her legs under her and taking a slow sip of her own drink, “So, what did you think of the apartment.”

Tobin joins Christen on the couch, leaning back against the arm, while extending her legs into her girlfriends lap. Christen kept one hand around her mug, but slowly start rubbing the tops of Tobin’s feet with the other. Running her hands up and down her calves. Slowly, gently working through some muscles. This had become an inadvertent routine for them. Whichever one had a game coming up got the attention.

“Honestly? I loved it.”

“Hmmmm. Does that surprise you?”

Tobin smiles cheekily, “Of course not, baby, you have exquisite taste. I just didn’t think I would want to move from here. But seeing that place, with the space, the amenities. It was really perfect for us.”

Christen puts down her tea so she can use both hands to rub up on Tobin, “I think so too. I mean, the on site gym is perfect for when we need a quick workout, but obviously we still have access to all of our training facilities here and it's only a little further from Providence Park, but you can still walk there when the weather is nice. The outdoor space is so much bigger than what we currently have access to, so when we finally get a dog, we won’t have to worry so much about taking them out at night. I love the open floor plan and modern kitchen.”

Tobin keeps smiling at the way Christen is buzzing through every pro of the apartment.

“The closest space is ideal, though I still think we should consider doing our wardrobes seasonally and using the guest room closet as the out of season closet, so neither of us need to rely on that as our main space.Though we will have to make the guest room a nursery at some point, but a baby doesn’t really need a closest right?” The question pops out of Christen’s mouth without hesitation, as she continues her ministrations on Tobin’s calves.

Tobin however chokes on her tea, sputtering a little bit, “Wait what?”

“A baby. Ya know, like when does a baby really have enough clothes to warrant their own closet space? I mean they are only like” she puts her hands about a foot apart from one another “this big. They probably won’t need a closet until they are” she stretches her arms out further “I don’t know, this big?”

“A baby. In our apartment?”

Christen’s hands still as she looks up from what she is doing and looks curiously at her girlfriend, “yeah, Tobin, like OUR baby. I am assuming they will live with us.”

“I guess I just hadn’t thought about that.”

“You haven’t thought about having a family with me?” Christen questions with a little edge in her voice.

“What? No. God. Of course I thought about that” Tobin scrambles into a seated position, grabbing Christen’s hand to avoid any tension. “I think about that all the time. All I want is to marry you and have babies with you.” She kisses Christen’s knuckles, put extra kisses on her left ring finger, and slowly twists the ring already on that hand. 

Tears sparkle in Christen’s eyes at the honesty of Tobin’s words.

“I guess I just forget that they would live with us.” Tobin’s eyes are wide at the thought of the young life she and Christen will be responsible for one day. Taking up space in their apartment and their hearts. 

Christen’s laugh fills the apartment, “Oh, Tobin, I love you.” She leans over and kisses Tobin sweetly, before pushing her shoulder back and telling her to lay back down so she can keep rubbing her feet out. “So, I will call the leasing agent tomorrow and tell them we are ready to move forward. I am just not sure about our moving timeline. We will need at least two weeks to get everything packed up and moved out, unless we hire a company.”

Tobin’s eyes are now closed and she just hums in response, finding herself getting lost in the way Christen’s hands are expertly working through the tension in her arches. Can’t help herself from thinking that this is all she needs the rest of her life. A couch and Christen. A place to lay her head and the most beautiful woman in the world. A comfort and her comfort. 

She isn’t sure how long passes, but she feels Christen’s hands leave her feet, and feels her body slowly slide out from underneath her.

“I am going to get some more hot water” Christen is now standing above, “Do you need anything?”

Tobin doesn’t respond, instead taking a page out of Christen’s book from this morning, slamming her eyes shut and puckering her lips, while sticking her neck out towards her girlfriend. If her eyes were open, Tobin is sure she would see Christen roll her eyes before bending over to kiss her. All she feels is the ghosting of Christen’s lips over hers, but she makes her way back to the kitchen. 

Tobin flips on the TV, aimlessly scrolling to find something mindless to put on in the background. She settles on a re-run of Chopped, a house favorite, and settles her hands behind her head, waiting for Christen’s return. The younger woman plops herself back down on the couch, eyes glancing up at the TV, “This guy wins. His opponent tries to make a semi-fredo in the dessert round and it doesn’t set.”

“Ugh, Chris come on!”

“What?!” She shrugs innocently. “We’ve seen this one before.”

“Yeah, and we have also seen Bambi 15 times, but you don’t lean over and tell me his mom dies the minute before it happens.”

“Tobin, we have never watched Bambi before. That’s a bad analogy.”

“You know what I mean, Chris! You and your crazy memory always spoil stuff for me. It’s not my fault I don’t remember this one episode. We have watched hundreds of episodes of this show…”

Christen doesn’t seem to be listening, her eyes focused on her phone, thumbs flying across the keyboard. Tobin presses her feet into Christen’s thigh.

“AH” she slaps at her girlfriends feet “What the heck, Tobin!”

Tobin giggles “Pay attention to me” she playfully whines at her girlfriend.

“Okay, okay, sorry, just solidifying my plans for tomorrow.” She puts her phone on the table facing down, “I am all yours, you little baby.”

“You got a hot date tomorrow?”

“Two actually.”

“TWO?” Should I be jealous?”

Christen smirks, “Well I am hoping that after you take me to bed tonight I will be too tired to do a single thing tomorrow and have to cancel all plans anyways, but seeing as you are content on watching a re run of Chopped, it doesn’t seem like that is going to happen.”

Tobin’s mouth goes dry.

“So, if that isn’t the case, then I was just confirming with Lindsey that she wanted to get our nails done after I get coffee with Kling.”

A heat is passing through Tobin’s body as she takes in Christen’s words and her wishes. In lieu of responding to Christen’s plans, she hops up and scoops the striker up in arms and starts to carry her towards the bedroom.

“Tobin!” Christen’s voice almost twinkles “Are you crazy?”

“This was all your idea, love. I am just working with what you gave me.”

She playfully tosses Christen on the bed, as she peels her shirt off. 

“If I wasn’t so completely turned on right now, I would want a full report on everything you think is going on with Lindsey” Tobin’s hands go to her joggers as she carefully undoes the knot and slowly pulls them down revealing the fact that she didn’t put on any underwear. Christen’s eyes darken at the sight. “You have given me no choice but to deny that little one my friendship, and instead love on you until the wee morning hours, so the whole time you’re talking to her tomorrow over nails you’re just thinking about me. But, I will expect a full report when you get home.” Christen has already taken her own shirt off and is slowly crawling towards Tobin. Grabbing the back of her bare thighs, pulling her onto the bed.

Tobin reaches an arm out against Christen’s shoulder to stop her forward progress.

“Deal?”

“Deal” Christen husks before pulling Tobin on top of her.


	4. Chapter 4

Christen is a morning person. 

She has been since she can remember, much to the annoyance of anyone she is living with at the moment. 

As a young girl, just 4 or 5 years old, she would wake up well before anyone else in the Press household would even begin to stir. Most mornings her behavior was innocuous - playing with her dolls, coloring in her favorite Disney Princess coloring book, or reading a story out loud to the dogs. 

There was one morning when she wanted to make breakfast for everyone, which ended with a call to the fire department and Stacy having to throw away her favorite skillet. After that, her parents had to make some stricter rules about what she was allowed to do in the morning, and Christen is nothing if not a rule follower. 

Her dad noticed a drive in Christen that his other daughters didn’t have. Tyler was impressive in her own right, both athletically and academically - hell, she went to Dartmouth which is nothing to sneeze at. But, her passion for excellence didn’t truly manifest until she started playing club with the U15 Slammers, and her younger sister was right there with her, even playing up two age divisions and taking Tyler’s starting spot. 

When Tyler started seeing a personal trainer, so did Christen. When Tyler would get up early to run, Christen would race her. There were times when having a shadowed bothered Tyler, but she loved no one more in her life than she loved Christen, so she kept pushing her.

Channing was always more ethereal, she was also a natural athlete and soccer was the sport the Press sister played. Her natural ability got her the opportunities to go to a school like Villanova and continue playing, but her dreams were never as focused on soccer, unlike Christen’s.

As Christen got older, mornings became “her” time. Her high classmates couldn’t understand her drive or ambition. Mornings were full of runs on the beach, extra training sessions, getting a lift in at the gym, added time spent with teachers, final touches on her already immaculate school work, she would even watch film on herself from games or do film study of professional teams. 

This was all before taking on a school day full of AP courses and an afternoon full of soccer training. She took every minute of her day to be better. As an athlete and as a student. Everything results based motivated Christen to no end. 

This hyper focus on being the best would be the cause of Christen’s greatest triumphs and greatest failures in her life. Instead of loving the journey she was on with soccer throughout college, she hated her perceived failures, and put an undue burden on herself to always be the best and always be perfect.

It took her crying after almost every game and not getting a National Team call up even after being named the best collegiate soccer player and rookie of the year in the WPS to take a step back from herself. Going to Sweden changed her life and it changed her mornings.

Instead of extra training and running, mornings became about intention for the striker. About setting her mind right, so she could redefine her own successes. Since going to Sweden, Christen does yoga and meditates every morning, regardless if she is in season or out. She takes time to value time and commits herself to being more present and grateful for what she does have. 

Sometimes, she even sleeps in, which would shock anyone she played soccer with through college and this morning was proof of all Christen’s personal growth over the past 8 years. It took everything out of Christen to peel herself away from Tobin, whose arm was wrapped around her midsection with a vice like grip. It wasn’t uncomfortable or overwhelming.

It was safe.

The two of them shared what can only be called a magical night together. Most of their nights together were magical, but after not seeing each other for a few weeks, they were both especially appreciative of one another and giving towards each other. It took some long, drawn out kisses and a few pouts from Tobin, until the midfield finally let her girlfriend go.

Christen quickly changed or dressed into more appropriate clothes and ambled to the converted guest room to begin her yoga practice. Twenty minutes later, she is sitting at the front of her mat, hands on her third eye finishing her practice with a quick meditation. 

At some point she had heard her girlfriend get up and head to the kitchen, and she had a sneaking suspicion she would find Tobin watching her as she wrapped up her routine.

“If I open my eyes will you be standing there?” Christen speaks quietly.

A small snicker escapes Tobin’s mouth, “Busted.”

“You know you could always join me if you’re going to be awake. Might as well have a productive start to your morning” she knows this is a non starter, but likes to remind her girlfriend of the benefits of routine.

Tobin made her way into the room and sat in front of Christen so their knees were touching and offered the younger woman the smoothie in her hand.

“I find watching you get all stretched out very, very productive.. There is no way I can focus on anything else but your ass in those pants” she winks and takes a sip from her own smoothie.

“You’re an idiot.”

“You mean I am your idiot.”

“Semantics” the brunette replies with a wink.

Tobin grins at her girlfriend and Christen can’t help but smile back, “Do you really need to leave me for multiple hours this morning on just the second day your back home?” A fake pout spreads across Tobin’s face as she reaches out to play with the seams on Christen’s yoga pants around the ankle. 

Her heart cannot help but flutter. She knows Tobin actually isn’t jealous that Christen is going to spend time with other people, but feeling wanted, especially feeling wanted by Tobin will never get out.

She reaches a hand out to still the tanned fingers fluttering at her foot, “This is for both of us. A little birdie told me you’re a little stuck on the finalization of your design for the next release. I figured if you have some incentive to get your work done, it would help you a little bit.”

Tobin rolls her eyes, “And what pray tell is said incentive?”

Christen leans forward and whispers something in Tobin’s ear. Brown eyes go wide as the shorter woman hops up and reaches down to pull her girlfriend off the yoga mat.

Christen giggles as Tobin ushers her into their bed room, “Tobs what are you doing?” 

“I am feeling VERY incentivized. So you need to get out of here, so I can start working, and you can get back here even SOONER!”

“Tobin, you have training this afternoon anyways.”

“Chug your coffee with Kling and only get one of your hands painted with Lindsey. I don’t care what you do, just hurry back to me.”

Tobin plants kisses all over Christen’s exposed shoulders and collarbones, “I am going to my studio - I love you.”

Christen taps Tobin’s heart before placing a delicate slap on her behind and pushing down the hall, so she could get changed to meet Meghan for a coffee.  
****

The streets of Portland are becoming familiar territory for the California girl. 3 years ago, Tobin would have been glued to her side on their way to coffee. A hand on the small of her back as the older woman navigated her girlfriend through the city streets, but now Portland had truly become her home.

Christen saw it all happening over time. As she and Tobin became more and more committed to one another, the California girl saw herself becoming a Pacific Northwesterner. Pacific Northwestian. A PNWer, if you will. While Tobin was more than willing to spend time in LA, the apartment in Portland became home base, and LA became their escape. Living in Chicago made the frequency of her visits during season low, but in the off season she found herself more times than not changing her return from LA to later in the week, because she couldn’t get enough time with Tobin.

Couldn’t get enough OF her. Her laugh, her smile that showed almost all her teeth, her laid back attitude, her caring heart, and of course, her body.

Their relationship felt like it started on month 4 because of their personal history. Falling in love with your best friend is one thing, falling in love with your best who is also your teammate is totally another. They knew each other in an indescribable way. They both knew their relationship was either going to skyrocket or plummet, luckily it was the former.

Once she got traded to the Royals, weekend flights to Portland from Salt Lake City became second nature. She is pretty sure the gate agents at the airport recognized her at this point. 

Christen would make the trip even for just one night if she needed a dose of her girlfriend, or if there was any inclination that Tobin was missing her extra. Tobin was always worried about the rate at which Christen would fly back and forth, but the forward assured her girlfriend that she knew what she was doing. 

She could fight the inflammation and poor circulation, if it meant even having just one date with Tobin. There were 24 hour visits where the two of them completely redefined Netflix and Chill. 

Within the first few weeks of dating, Christen realized that she wasn’t only falling in love with Tobin, but also with the city of Portland as well. At first, it took Christen a while to understand the vibe in Portland. It had the same laid back nature of other west coast cities like San Francisco or San Diego. It totally did not have the pretentious, Hollywood glam of LA, but did have a certain skater/surfer vibe Christen was used to. Then it had a total earthy, crunchy Seattle vibe as well. It was almost if someone squished together all the defining qualities of major west coast cities into one, and created something unique. 

On paper, Christen is definitely more LA. She is very put together, a little intense at times, cares about how she dresses and presents herself, and is certainly LA beautiful. She gives off a carefree vibe, but if you ask anyone she is pretty cut throat. But internally she is Portland. A quirky woman who believes your soul has a color and crystals will help balance your energies. It’s probably why she has always felt more at home in Portland than a lot of other places she has lived. It’s probably why Tobin fell for her so hard. 

She can be herself, and being herself with the person she loves is the ultimate combo. Christen has also found an extension of her family in this city, which was no more noticeable than after her mom passed away in January.

The striker had never known such loss than that of losing her mom. Though there was an inevitability to her mom’s illness, nothing could ever prepare someone for that.

Tobin was steadfast in her support, not only for Christen but the entire Press pack. The couple stayed in LA as long as they could - as luck would have it, they were in the middle of their build up to the World Cup and Christen would never let Tobin sacrifice her life’s work for her, though Tobin would in a heartbeat, and conveniently Christen could throw herself into soccer as a distraction.

However, Tobin insisted they keep LA as home base so Christen could be near her family, but it was the younger woman who wanted to come back to Portland. Take refuge there. Tobin was hesitant to pull her grieving girlfriend away from family. but Christen insisted, and after a long conversation with older sister Tyler, assuring Tobin that this is what she needed to do for Christen, she agreed. 

It was with that agreement that Lindsey and Sonny burst into Christen’s life in a way she never imagined. The two young women took it upon themselves to make sure their teammates felt supported, even more supported than they would have by each other. Sonnett would distract Tobin from her own grief of losing Stacy, and from worrying about Christen 24/7 by adventuring with her to Mt. Hood or making juggling compilations or introducing her to the crazy world of social media. Lindsey took care of Christen and doing all the things she loved like shopping, getting her nails done, and yoga. 

There were times when Kling and Pinoe needed to step in and break up the foursome. Encouraging Tobin, but even more so Christen to actually process what happened and not just distract themselves. They also had their business which was years in the making and finally getting legs under it at that point. But, at the end of all of it, Christen had her new little Portland family and a new place to call home.

Christen walks into her favorite nail salon “Mani and Pedi”, which was conveniently located right next to Providence Park that she could even get a quick mani before seeing Tobin play, with her head in her phone as she is looking to text Lindsey that she is there early.

“Pressy!” Lindsey calls as she enters the store. The strikers head snaps up to find Lindsey was more punctual than usual and was already sudsing up in the foot bath at one of the nearer pedicure stations. “Just pick your color, I pre-paid.” Christen would normally argue, but she and Lindsey fell into a bit of routine with their nails, and they knew it would all even out in the end. 

She hates to admit it but her favorite part of getting her nails done is picking her color. As a total control freak the color coordinated wall gives her such a thrill. She runs her long manicured hands over the colors, dancing across the bottles like they were piano keys. It was summer, so she knew she wanted to do something light, but still with substance. She can’t help but giggle remembering one of the times she dragged Tobin in for a pedicure.

Tobin was an oddity when it came to nails. She went through a phase, especially during their first World Cup together, where she was all in on the nail painting. She asked Christen to do American flag designs and patriotic colors, and she had a different scheme for every game. But, after the World Cup, and after they started dating, Christen realized Tobin never had her nails polished and hardly ever, ever, ever went to a salon to get them done. 

When Christen asked her girlfriend about it, Tobin matter of factly told her that she did nails with Christen because she wanted to be with Christen, and she didn’t care what it took, she really wanted to hold her hand. So if getting her nails done was the only way Christen was going to hold her hand, then she would do it. 

Needless to say, the striker was flabbergasted by this, and immediately dragged Tobin to the nearest salon to experience the amazingness of a consistent mani-pedi. When asked to pick colors, Tobin, most likely to ruffle Christen’s feathers, picked clear and plopped herself down in the chair. Telling her girlfriend that it would chip the second they got home anyways, so worrying about color ‘substance” and whether or not it will match their new couch really didn’t matter.

Luckily, Lindsey understood Christen’s need to find the right color, and never rushed her. As Christen sat down next to the young midfielder, the two women exchanged general pleasantries about their day and speaking briefly about the upcoming USWNT trip to Philadelphia.

“Tobin mentioned you guys have a Re-Inc thing to do in New York City before our second game?”

Christen hummed in response, “Yeah, she is still wrapping up some of her designs, but we are meeting with a few people who hopefully will become quasi brand ambassadors for us.”

Lindsey shakes her head in disbelief, “Dude, I can’t wait to see the final products. Just for the minimal stuff Tobin has showed me, it looks amazing. I can’t believe it’s really happening.”

“Right?” Christen leans her head back against the massage chair and sighs, “This crazy idea we had one night after way too many bottles of wine, and here we are owners of what is hopefully a major clothing and art brand.”

“You must be really proud of Tobin.”

A smile cracks the older woman’s face, “I am always proud of her, but yeah, seeing her get so excited about this has been really special. It’s really her vision come to life.”

“It’s almost annoying how talented she is” Lindsey cracks and Christen laughs. Now her head shaking at just how true a statement it was.

A comfortable silence falls over the two friends as their pedicurists delicately massaged their feet and legs. Christen glances over at Lindsey whose eyes are trained on some random local newscast being shown on the tv above their heads, but she could tell her friends mind was anywhere else.

“Did you think about what we talked about yesterday?” Christen dives into the conversation with maybe a little less nuance than she was hoping.

“Hmm?”

“I know it’s not easy, but you can talk to me, only if you want and if you’re ready.” Christen reaches over and places a hand on the Lindsey’ arm. The whole point of this pedicure session was to given Lindsey a comfortable space to talk about what Christen approached with her yesterday.

Over the course of coffee the day before, even though Christen was doing her best to focus on Sonnett and her feelings for Kelly, she couldn’t help but be distracted by Lindsey’s body language. It was almost dejected and detached, even though Sonnett was her best friend. She had been picking up on signals from Lindsey for a while, but wondered if she was misreading the signs. Yesterday was beyond obvious that Lindsey got uncomfortable when Sonnett talked about having feelings for other people. 

Christen decided she needed a little nudge in the right direction.

Lindsey takes a deep breath and nods, “I just don’t know how you saw it and I didn’t even like feel it, let alone see it.”

“I actually wanted to apologize, maybe my approach in the bathroom was a little abrupt yesterday, but I know from what happened with me and Tobin that I really just needed someone to tell me what they saw, instead of me just cycling through this weird state of like awkwardness with my own feelings. If it wasn’t for Kling pulling my head out of my ass, I might still be pining after my best friend I didn’t even know I was in love with.”

“Wait, it was Kling? I always thought Tobin made the first move on her own terms.”

Christen smiles and glances around the nail shop. There is no one else there, but Portland is a big soccer town. She and Lindsey are incredibly recognizable by this point, and it’s not like Tobin and Kling are common names.

“Yeah, she told me before we even went to the World Cup. It was during CONCACAF, and I just couldn’t help but be around Tobin all the time. It was like a magnetic force pulling me towards her” she sighs, her body and mind replaying the memory, “I thought it was because we were becoming such fast friends, and besides Kelley, she was really the only person I connected with.”

Lindsey just hums in response giving Christen the space to continue, “But one night Tobin, Kling, and I were the room Kling and I were sharing and she left to take a call from Shirley, and apparently my mood shift was so obvious that Kling called it out. Told me to tell her I love her or to move on.”

Lindsey laughs, “Such a Kling move. No subtlety.”

“At least she hasn’t changed. Anyways, yeah she just like totally called me out, and I was SHOCKED. I hadn’t even considered I was attracted to Tobin or that she could be remotely attracted to me, but here we are.”

Lindsey gulps and nodding her head, eyes darting back to the TV, “Weren’t you scared of losing your best friend? Like, what if Tobin didn’t reciprocate?”

“She didn’t.”

“Wait, what?”

“At first. She basically thanked me for being honest and then ignored me for like 3 weeks. We were on the victory tour, so it wasn’t that hard. When we weren’t with the national team we were all so focused on our club play. But during breaks we usually texted incessantly, but after I told her about my feelings she kind of went radio silent.”

Lindsey grimaced and almost whispered, “ I couldn’t imagine not talking to Emily every day.”

Christen nods, “It was really hard. But, I felt lighter in a way. It’s kind of hard to explain, but I put myself out there, which I had been afraid of doing forever. I knew eventually, even if we weren’t going to be together, Tobin would come back. She values her friendships too much and it kind of let me be able to move on from her in a weird way.”

“You started to move on?”

Christen shrugs, “I mean kind of. The first week she ignored me I basically just laid in my bed and cried on and off watching really sad movies and scrolling through dog instagrams. But, then JJ basically dragged me out of bed and made me do something each day. Made me live a semblance of normalcy each day. It started small, going out of the house when it wasn’t for training. Going out to drinks with my teammates. Focusing on things that weren’t soccer. I even went on a date.”

“No way. In Chicago? With who?”

A blush rises up her neck, “Um, Jimmy Butler.”

Lindsey almost falls out of her chair and has to apologize for splashing her pedicurist with soapy water.

“CP, Jimmy Butler? Like the basketball player.”

Another shrug, “We were both Nike athletes living and playing in Chicago. Plus, Jrue’s brother was on the Bulls at the time and I kind of think Cheney had something to do with it.”

“Can’t believe Lauren would do that to Tobin…”

“You have to remember, at this time Tobin was still with Shirley. Cheney made it clear that she wasn’t going to pick sides in our “saga”. But, between us, I think Lauren knew exactly what she was doing.”

“How so?”

“She knew I wouldn’t like Jimmy. He is gorgeous and a really nice guy, but totally not my type.”

“Well yeah, I mean he is a guy.”

“Excuse you” Christen scoffs “I am still attracted to men. And I will have you know I have a very high satisfaction rate.”

“Gross, Pressie. If you weren’t so disgustingly in love with Tobin that comment would be very disturbing and honestly a little upsetting.”

Christen laughs and keeps going “Anyways, she knew it would be a one date situation, but she also knew that we would get photographed together and she knew Tobin would find out.”

“Oh my god! Did she?”

“Well, I hadn’t heard from her in probably 3 weeks and then two days after my date with Jimmy I had a text from her.”

“What did she say?”

“Open your front door.”

Lindsey sighs, “A classic overly compensated move by Miss Heath.”

Christen just smiles in response and lets the memories sit with her for a second. There are times she forgot that she and Tobin weren’t together because the last 4 years had been so all encompassing. 

Lindsey breaks the silence, “What did you do when Tobin finally reciprocated?”

“Let myself be happy. Part of me thought we should wait and take time for ourselves before we started dating. I mean, she had just got out of a multi-year relationship and I could never be sure if she was just responding to me because it was new and exciting. But, I was never, am never, happier than I am when I am with her. I took a risk, and let myself fall immediately, and just trusted that she would fall with me.”

Christen lets the sentiment sit in the open for a bit. Letting Lindsey chew on her story. Not prompting her to respond. She can’t help but remember the anxiety she felt in the first month or so of dating Tobin. Wondering every day if she was just a rebound for her or just a passing fad. It wasn’t till she let go of that anxiety that she saw just how in love with her Tobin truly was.

“What if I don’t know if I want to fall with Emily?”

“You’re the only one who can answer that for sure, Lindz.”

Christen reaches a hand out again to rub her friends arm, as a sigh falls from the younger girls mouth. Even though Lindsey would leave the nail salon still confused about her feelings. Christen was glad she put herself out there. Glad she gave her the ability to consider what her reactions to Sonnet and Kelley might be rooted in. She knew how special a real connection was and wouldn’t want Lindsey to miss out on it.  
*****

Tobin opens the front door to their apartment after training and her senses are immediately overwhelmed. It seems like her girlfriend had took it upon herself to rearrange the living room, start cooking dinner, and serenade the entire floor with her rendition of Barbara Streisand classics. 

She drops her bag off in the front foyer, noting not to forget to bring it in the bedroom and unpack or else Christen would complain about the mess, and rounds the corner in the kitchen to find said girlfriend standing over a pot of boiling water about to pour some pasta into the depths.

“Oh my man I love him so, he’ll never know. Oh my life is just a spare, I don’t care. When he takes me in his arms, the world is right, alright!”

“Your man, huh?”

Christen jumps back from the stove, some of the pasta spilling on the counter, “Cheese on a cracker, Tobin, you scared me!”

Tobin stalks up to her girlfriend and wraps her arms around her svelte waist, “Please don’t let me interrupt the free concert going on for the entire apartment building.”

Barbara continues to croon in the background, as Tobin takes Christen’s in her arms and spins her around the kitchen. A care free giggle bursts out of Christen, as she begins to husk in Tobin’s ear, “What’s the difference if I say, I’ll go away, when I know I’ll come back on my knees some day. For whatever my woman is, I am hers, forever more.”

Tobin pulls back and places a chaste kiss on Christen’s lips, grinning at the subtle pronoun change in the song, “Forever and ever, more, my love.”

“Well aren’t you in a sappy mood” Christen delicately swats Tobin with a dish rag that had been discarded on the counter before returning to some work on the cutting board.

Tobin lifts herself onto empty counter space, “What can I say, nothing makes me happier than coming home to you.”

A blush appears on Christen’s cheek, “I like being home.”

“So what are you making?”

“Oh, you know, just a little brie, basil, tomato pasta. My lady needs to carbo load before her big game tomorrow!”

Tobin grins, “My favorite! Did you”

“Roast the tomatoes? Of course, Tobin,”

“Just checking. So, Lindsey was pretty quiet during training today.”

A hum escapes Christens throat as she continues to chop up basil.

“Wouldn’t have anything to do with your conversation today, would it?”

Tobin knows that Christen takes her friendships very seriously and if there was something that was just meant to be between Lindsey and Christen she wouldn’t push, but she had just spent an extra 20 minutes in the locker room talking to Lindsey herself, so she felt like it was fair game.

“Maybe, maybe not.” Christen pretends to be busy getting plates and bowls out.

“I can’t believe you told her about your date with Jimmy Butler.”

Christen turns abruptly, “So you talked to her…” a small glint in her eyes.

Tobin smiles, her eyes mirroring Christen’s, “Yeah, I did.”  
“What do you think about the” her hands make a wide gesture “whole situation.”

Tobin hops off the counter to get the colander out of the cabinet and starts to silently help Christen get dinner finished up as she formulates her response, “I guess I am not sure. Some of me totally sees what you see in regards to their relationship, but another part of me just sees Lindsey not really knowing who she is yet, and Sonnett has always been her buddy, and that might be what is causing the weird vibes.”

“Doesn’t know who she is?”

“I just think Lindsey is struggling with everything more than she puts on. I mean, she made no mention of her injury before the cup, so people just assumed Sammy out worked her for the starting spot. And now we have been back with the Thorns for a while and I know she is feeling the pressure of being the great Horan or whatever. I think she missing some stability and safety, and I think that was always Emily and now Emily is kind of growing up and maybe apart from that? I don’t know.”

Tobin turns to Christen holding out plates for her to scoop the finished pasta dish onto and finds her girlfriend staring at her with soft eyes, “What?”

Christen just leans in and gives Tobin a very delicate, but powerful kiss. When she breaks the kiss, she touches their foreheads together and speaks quietly, “Sometimes you see things in such a beautiful and deep way, Tobin. You’re so observant and thoughtful. I am so lucky to love you. I am even luckier than you love me.”

Butterflies burst in Tobin’s stomach. There are times when she can’t believe that what she has with Christen is real or that Christen is even real. Not knowing how to respond, Tobin delivers a similar kiss. One that is soft but has gravity, hoping that gives justice to Christen’s words.

When they break apart, Christen smiles before running a thumb over Tobin’s cheek, “You ready to eat, love?”

The two women make their way over to the dining room table that Christen had already adorned with candles, napkins, and cutlery, and settle in for a quiet dinner at home. Just the two of them. Something in their crazy life they don’t get to do often enough.


	5. Chapter 5

Flashback…

“Ugh” she moans as she reaches down to fix her shoe “I am such an idiot. Never wear new shoes when you’re supposed to stand for hours at end.”

A laugh comes from her side “Yeah, especially when that standing includes meeting the friggen president.” Whitney appears next to the striker and grabs her forearm, as Christen continues to fix the block grey heel on her left foot.

A voice comes from behind the two women, “Chris, you can share this seat with me.”

She pivots to see Tobin, casually sitting in a huge chair, with certainly enough space for two. She falters for a second, then takes a deep breath and perches herself in front of Tobin on the corner of the chair, as Tobin sinks against the back rest. Both women had their legs crossed, trying to keep as much space between them, but the back of Christen’s hip was flush to Tobin’s thigh.

Christen felt instantaneous relief when she finally sat down, and continued to chat with Cheney and Whitney, waiting to be shepherded into the East Room to meet Obama. She could not wait. Obama was her biggest hero and the nerves were close to overwhelming.

The chatter died down, as all the women became restless. In the silence, Christen felt a hand flutter against her shoulder, as if pulling off an invisible piece of lint, and then Tobin spoke quietly, so only she could hear.

“You look really beautiful, Chris. This color is gorgeous on you.” She all but mumbled over the word gorgeous. 

Her breath caught in her throat, and she knew, she KNEW, Tobin heard it. She mustered all her courage to reply, “Thanks, T. So do you.”

Tobin hummed in response and then called out to Ashlyn who was across the room to break the tension.

Christen’s mind whirred. She had to do something. She had to say something. She knew Tobin was planning to go back to Paris tonight and see “where things lay” with Shirley. The couple had taken a break before the World Cup with the distance and pressure to compete being too much. The intention was always to get back together, while allowing time for Tobin to focus.

“DO SOMETHING”, her brain all but screams at her again.

“Hey Tobin” she starts, “Do you have time to grab coffee after this?” Christen looks over her shoulder to catch Tobin’s eyes.

“Ahh, I wish I could, Chris, but I am already cutting it really close to my flight” her eyes look said. “Can we rain check till I am back stateside at the next game?”

Her heart dropped, “Totally” she squeaked. Just as she was about to open her mouth again to try to get some alone time with her teammate before she left for Paris, they were called upon to get ready and shift rooms.

“I’m really sorry” she hears Tobin whisper again as they shuffle out of the room.  
Xxx

The experience of meeting President Obama and being in the White House is exhilarating. Christen can’t believe this is her life. As the team piles into vans to head back to hotels it is all they can talk about. Who do they think he liked the best. Who got the longest hand shake. Who fangirled the most - Christen won with flying colors on that one.

She had almost forgotten about the interaction with Tobin, until A Rod’s voice rang clear throughout the van, “Alright, Tobs. You hustle up to change and grab your stuff, I’ll get you a cab for the airport and hold it for you.”

For the second time today her heart dropped to her toes. She would have to wait until Tobin returned, and by that time it could be too late. It would be too late. Christen watches as Tobin hops out of the car and hurries into the hotel. The striker lags behind a little bit, waiting for Ali to get out of the second van to head back to their room. 

Ali meets her at the elevators and they head up in a comfortable silence. Once in their room both women immediately strip out of their fancy clothes, preferring to spend their last night in comfort. Most of the players, themselves included, were leaving the next morning - heading back to their club teams for a spell before the last stint of the victory tour and Abby’s goodbye.

Ali dashes off to hang out in Ashlyn and Hao’s room, inviting Christen to join, but the younger girl decides to hang back, claiming a headache, but really it was heartache. 

Just as she was curling up in bed with her journal, she heard a knock on the door. Assuming it was Ali, she popped out of bed and opened the door without checking,

“Did you forget your key…” it was Tobin.

“Oh hey Tobin. I figured you would be long gone by now.” 

Tobin rubs the back of her back and smiles her earth shattering smile, “Yeah, well, couldn’t say leave without saying goodbye to my best friend now could I?”

Christen blushes, deep scarlet, “Hate to break it to you, but Cheney’s room is across the hall.”

Tobin laughs and pulls Christen into a hug, “I am really sorry we couldn’t grab coffee.”

“Stop apologizing” she murmurs into the shorter girls shoulder “It’s not a big deal.”

“Are you sure” Tobin asks as she holds Christen at arms length.

Christen falters for a second “Ah, yeah of course I am sure. Just wanted to talk to you before you left, but we can catch up when you’re back.” Her brain is all but pounding in her head at this point to just say something. Anything. Don’t let her walk away without her knowing.

Tobin looks at her quizzically as if not fulling buying Christen’s story, “Alright then CP. I better boogie or I might miss my flight.” She pulls her duffle bag that had dropped on the ground over her shoulder and reaches out for the handle of roller bag. “I’ll be seeing you.” Hazel eyes meet green and there is a moment of silence. Heavy silence. Both women seemingly waiting for the other one to do, well, do anything. Say anything.

“Yeah, see ya Tobs. Safe flight.” Christen steps back and lets the door close, with the image of Tobin’s eyes seared in her head. 

She bangs her head softly against the back of your door and clenches her fists. Small crescent moons pressing into her palms from her manicured nails.

That was your chance, she thinks to yourself. That was it. She bangs her head again.

This time it was like a lightbulb went off. She wrenches the door open again and takes off down the hall in the opposite direction of the elevator. She was on the 8th floor, so she had to move quickly to catch up. Luckily, her legs were made for this. She flew down those stairs, skipping two, three, four at a time. 

She bursts through the barred down and finds herself down the long hallway in the lobby leading towards the pool. Without missing a beat, Christen turns and heads to the lobby praying that she beat the elevator.

As she slides into the lobby, she frantically searches for a familiar snap back, a familiar whisp of honey brown hair. She can’t see it anywhere and her breath catches up to her as she begins to pant. Hand on her chest trying to catch her breath while also looking for Tobin.

As she continues looking around, she hears the voice, “Christen?” She whips around hoping to find Tobin but instead finds Amy. “Are you okay?”

“Tobin” she pants “where is Tobin?”

Amy looks at her puzzled, “She just got in the cab and is about to pull out. Are you okay? Why are you so out of breath?”

Christen runs past her and heads out to the front of the hotel, desperately searching for the cab. She only sees one and takes her chance and takes off as it slowly inches towards the intersection of the main road. She makes a run for it and gets a hand on the back passenger window. The cab comes to a halt, as the driver pops out.

“Are you crazy lady? What are you doing?” 

“I am sorry. Sir, I am so sorry. I just need to…” she gestures to the back seat and watches as Tobin climbs out with a frantic look on her face. 

“Christen! What’s going on? Are you okay?” Tobin reaches out and grabs her forearms.

“I do need to talk to you.”

“Chris, my flight is in like an hour and half, and I need to beat traffic. Can it wait?”

“No, but I will be quick. You need to know something before you get on that plane and go do whatever you’re gonna do in Paris.” Her heart rate is eerily calm given the information she is about to unload on her teammate.

“Wait, Chris, about this trip…”

“No time, Tobin. Look. I need to say this now or I will never say it and I just need you to listen, and I promise no matter how you feel I will always want to be your friend. And I will move forward and be okay, but I have to say it now. Okay?”

“Okay...you’re really freaking me out, Chris.”

“Tobin, I am falling in love with you. I’ve been falling for you for a while now and I just couldn’t not tell you that. I think it’s fair for you to have all the information at your disposal as you go forth and do umm whatever you’re going to do in Paris.”

Tobin is silent, her mouth slightly opened.

“Chris…”

Christen is beaming, “Don’t worry. You don’t have to say anything, but gosh that felt really good to get off my chest. Yeah, Tobs, you’re my best friend and I want more than that with you. You make me happier than anyone ever has and you make me feel like I matter. I just felt like all that is important for you to know.” She is uncontrollably smiling and she doesn’t know why.

“Anyways, have a safe flight. I am sorry for throwing this all on you, but you had to know.” She leans in and plants a kiss on Tobin’s cheek, before walking back to the hotel. 

Her shoulders, normally hunched, slide easily down her back and her head is held high as she re-enters the hotel.

Amy is still standing in the lobby looking really confused.

“Are you good, Pressie?”

“Oh yeah, just had to tell Tobin something before she left.” Christen makes her way back towards the bank of the elevators.

“What did you tell her?” Amy calls out to her.

“That I am in love with her.”

“Oh wow. That is something.”

Christen gets on the elevator and takes a deep breath and runs over the last 5 minutes in her head. 

All of a sudden, the freedom of letting Tobin know became a crushing anxiety. Did she just ruin everything? Why didn’t she let Tobin say anything? Did she just let her get on a plane to Paris to reunite with Shirley and tell her it was okay? Her breath picks up again and the tear start to fall. The elevator doors slide open on her floor, opening to a laughing Ashlyn and Ali. 

“Ash, go get JJ.” Ali says as Christen falls into her arms.  
***  
A little over three weeks later...

The night couldn’t have been more perfect if the best rom com screenwriter of all time had charter the course. The evening was perfect. To be fair, the bar was set quite low. Christen’s last first date with a man had been her first year out of college when she was playing for MagicJack. She met what can best be described as a “Florida Meathead”. She and a few other rookies had hit up a local dive bar after a win and got a little silly on too many tequila shots.

Christen found herself on a dance floor filled with townies, her teammates, and a few former frat bros in graphic tank tops and cargo shorts. One said bros caught Christen in a weak moment, hands on her hips, entranced as Cascada pumped through the speakers. A quick dance floor make out led to an exchanging of numbers and a confirmation of a first date the following night.

She found herself oddly excited for her date with bar guy, whose name was Steve, but he told her that everyone called him Stump. Christen begrudgingly obliged. Let’s say the date with Stump was short lived. 

He picked her up in a car that could only be described as decrepit. A car that he shared with 5 other roommates, but with the amount of fast food trash and dip containers and cigarette butts, Christen might have guessed it was 12 roommates. 

A charming, handsome, athletic date picked her up at the door with her favorite flowers. He was respectful, while still being flirtatiously complimentary. Remarking on her beauty, her outfit, her work. She had never heard someone gush about women’s soccer the way he did. How beautiful he found the game, how impressed he was with the national team. It was clear he had even seen the Red Stars play before. 

While she wasn’t sure she was ready to go on a date, definitely wasn’t over Tobin, with the encouragement (demands) of JJ and Cheney, Christen got herself gussied up and out the door. 

He took her to the best sushi restaurant in Chicago, selecting the chef’s tasting menu without missing a beat. Ordered her favorite champagne to start the meal and finished with her favorite aperitif without even asking. She appreciated someone who did their homework.

He was thorough. He had done his homework. It was clear he wanted to impress her. 

Conversation flowed smoothly between the two. Having quite a bit in common both being professional athletes. He gave her the space to speak, laughed at her jokes, no matter how corny they were, he remarked on her athletic accomplishments, as she did his. 

For all intents and purposes, this was a great first date. Until it wasn’t.

The two athletes walked down the street, Christen with her arm casually draped through Jimmy’s, heading towards the soccer players apartment. Jimmy had picked up her in a black car, but they decided to grab ice cream on the way back from dinner and enjoy the unusually warm fall evening with a walk.

There were a few cameramen who had popped out by the restaurant, and both of them lamented the lack of privacy when you live in a city so dominated by sports. They both knew they would find themselves featured in some tabloid tomorrow, and shrugged off the inevitably of being spotted together as being news.

They chatted about favorite spots in the city. Jimmy offering some insights into avoiding fans and spots that allowed for some personal space, while still enjoying all the things the city had to offer.

If she was being honest, she liked him. 

He was hard not to like. Undeniably handsome, but still had personality. His story was note worthy, going through the JUCO system and getting to the NBA. He was humble and hardworking, things Christen always really admired. And his on court persona did not shine through in his day to day life. He could separate the Jimmy Butler on the court and the Jimmy Butler in his life.

Her worries about him being a typical professional athlete who was more focused on himself than anything around him proved untrue, and she really was enjoying the evening. But there was a major thing missing. 

Well, not a thing. A person. A very specific person.

Their stroll slowed as Christen’s apartment came into view. They reached her stairs and Christen turned to face Jimmy.

“I had a really nice time tonight, Jimmy.”

He can’t help but smirk, “You sound surprised.”

She blushes, “I don’t mean to. I just don’t date athletes that often...well, male athletes.” She shrugs with a smile. “Stereotypes are terrible, but real, and I am apologizing for unfairly holding you to them. You were perfectly charming and a perfect gentleman all evening. This was a really nice way to be introduced to Chicago.”

“Who are they?” he asks suddenly.

Christen balks, “Umm, what do you mean?”

Jimmy runs his hands down Christen’s arms and casually links their fingers, “Look, not trying to brag, but I know I am good first date. I have a great smile, I know how to treat a lady, and I mean, I am not tough to look at.” His quirky smile tells Christen most of him is joking and trying, successfully, to put her at ease, “And you did everything right tonight. You asked me questions, you seemed interested in me beyond basketball, you smiled and laughed at appropriate times, you showed gratitude. It was all perfect.”

“I feel like there is a but coming…” Christen replies.

“ But, no one is THAT perfect. Even someone as seemingly perfect as you.” Again, Christen blushes, but who can blame her when Jimmy Butler is so casually complimenting her, “That was rehearsed, those were the motions. I can tell your passionate - I was just waiting for that passion to meet your eyes at some point tonight. But you guarded them, so there has to be someone who that passion is being saved for. I am just wondering who.”

“Once again you are surprising me, Jimmy Butler” he laughs and Christen unlinks their fingers to run her hands through her hair. “It’s just...they’re just…” Christen’s eyes hit the pavement unsure of what words to say next as her hands wring together.

Jimmy stills her hands, “Maybe this isn’t a conversation for a stoop. Interested in a nightcap?”

Christen freezes, she looks hesitantly put the stairs to her apartment building, not really wanting to move this into her apartment, “Umm, I just umm don’t think going in…”

“Oh, whoa, no no no no. Sorry, I meant at a bar. I know a place around here that is actually pretty private. Interested?”

Thirty minutes later Christen finds herself sitting at the end of a basement level bar called Overtime that was a lot nicer on the inside than the outside. Even the few people who were in the bar, she and Jimmy weren’t bothered, which shocked her greatly seeing as he was the face of the Bulls. Her face and name are recognizable but only in small women’s soccer circles - a fight she would willingly take on any day, but in this moment, her anonymity was a blessing.

Jimmy peers at Christen over the rim of his whiskey sour with a smile after she gives him the reader's digest version of the Tobin situation, “Dang, I thought it was hard for me to date women, but it sounds even harder for you.”

Christen snorts and almost loses some of her margarita out of her nose, “Yeah, you think it would be easier pursuing the same sex, but at the end of the day dating sucks no matter what.” 

“I just can’t believe there is someone else out there who could compete with” he gestures at Christen “you.”

“Jimmy….”

“Look I am sorry” he raises his hands defensively “but I am a dude. With eyes and a sex drive, so yeah you’re gorgeous. But, more than that, even after 3 hours with you its clear you’re a lot more than that. You’re considerate and smart, like Stanford smart which is fucking crazy.”

Christen rolls her eyes waiting for him to continue, “So it’s just crazy to me that anyone would be able to pick anyone over you.”

Christen takes another pull from her margarita, relishing the burn of the jalapeño that hits the back of her throat, “With smooth lines like that, I can’t believe you’re single.” She adamantly tries to avoid answering the question that has been plaguing her for weeks - why isn’t Tobin choosing her? Shirley is out of the picture, so why isn’t the choice obvious?

“Sex drive usually gets in the way of relationships” he shrugs with a grin.

Christen appreciates his candor, “Guess we don’t have anything to worry about then.”

It’s Jimmy’s turn to laugh, “So really, what’s wrong with this girl?”

Christen sighs, “I don’t think she isn’t choosing me. I just don’t think she is choosing herself.”

After Jimmy drops her off, with a kiss on the hand and a promise to remain in touch when she’s in the city, and tickets to her next home game in his name, she throws on pajamas and plops down on her couch and flips the tv on her before grabbing her phone to send Cheney a quick text. It was near midnight in Chicago, so close to 1 in New Orleans.

Pressie <3 11:43 PM: Maybe not a love connection, but glad I got meet Jimmy. Thanks for setting us up! Miss you, Cheney.

Assuming Cheney would be long asleep, Christen directs her attention to the late night talk show host blabbering on to a guest she didn’t recognize. Her eyes may have been on the TV, but her mind was anywhere else. It was on Tobin. Not hearing from the girl in weeks was unnerving, made her feel unstable. Tobin was never in one place for long, but it was comforting to at least know WHERE she was. Now Christen just felt lost. 

Resigning that more thought would help the matter, she decides to head to bed, but suddenly her phone chimes with a text from Lauren.

LC Holiday 11:52 PM: Jimmy is one of the good ones. So are you, Pressie. Don’t let yourself forget that. 

Pressie <3 11:53 PM: Why do I feel like you have more to say?

Christen watches her phone like its about to explode waiting for Lauren’s response.

LC Holiday 11:56 PM: Let’s just say that I have learned a lot being friends with Tobin for over a decade. And I have learned a lot about you over the past 3 years. Just hoping this gave you the push both of you needed.

A small frown broaches Christen’s face. Why did she need a push?

Pressie <3 11:58 PM: I know what I want, Lo. I told her what I want. I know where I stand. Why do I need pushing?

LC Holiday 12:00 AM: Just wanted you to see that there are other people out there that could make you smile, and laugh, and blush, and feel wanted. I’ve seen Jimmy in action - he is very charming. There are other people that can give you things, C. Make you feel things.

Christen sighs before typing out a quick response.

Pressie <3 12:02 AM: Not like she does.

LC Holiday 12:03 AM: I know, babe.

The raven haired woman groans in frustration. While a tall task, she wishes Lauren would just give her something to hold to. Something to believe in. She tosses her phone onto the couch and forgets about it as she finishes her evening, before heading to bed. Leaving one message from Lauren unread.

LC Holiday 12:12 AM: I promise. It’s not the end for you two.  
***  
The next two days were actually bearable for Christen. Her date with Jimmy and the follow up conversation with Lauren had seemingly given her a little more perspective. She had an opportunity to embrace a new life in Chicago and reset her life. Focus on the Olympic year and be the best footballer, daughter, sister, friend, and person she could be. Tobin wasn’t completely out of her life, she had a feeling that would never be possible, she just had to come to terms with her being her friend.

For the first time in days, Christen felt refreshed when she woke up. A smile crossed her face.

She could do this.

After texting JJ to see about an afternoon conditioning and skills session, Christen got on with her morning routine. A quick yoga session led to a twenty minute meditation, before checking the weather and grabbing a light jacket to hit her favorite neighborhood coffee spot.

She had just settled down in her favorite chair in her apartment to dive into her new book when her phone buzzed. Usually, she would leave her phone in her room when reading, but she was waiting to her from Julie about their workout. Flipping her phone out of her hoodie pocket, her heart stopped in her throat.

1 iMessage: Tobin Heath. 

Her heart drops from her throat and begins hammering in her chest. Slowly, she swipes open the banner and her text chain from Tobin appears.

She is the first to admit, it was probably petty to erase all the texts between the two of them. It would be years later that she finally admitted she screenshot a few.

The hammering in her chest becomes thunderous as she reads the short, to the point message. She wildly looks around before jumping out of her chair and rushing to the front door. Without a second thought she wrenches in the door open and there she stood.

Tobin.

Looking a little haggard, likely from the early morning plane trip she clearly just took. A Delta bag tag on the large carry on she always traveled with. Donning her signature snapback, a pair of Nike sweatpants, Air Jordans, and a light heathered sweatshirt. 

“Hi” Tobin broke the silence between the two teammates, as she adjusted the strap of her weekender bag on her shoulder. The bag looked near empty, but showed a sign of a stay.

Christen could barely form words, but she managed a low “What are you doing here?” Her voice cracked beneath the pressure of her emotions.

A blush broke on Tobin’s neck as Christen watched her fidget with her hands and look at the floor, “Um, I don’t think this is a hallway kind of conversation.”

She coughed, “Can I, um .come in?”

Hopeful hazel eyes met steely green ones.

Part of her wanted to throw herself into Tobin’s arms. Take in her presence. Another part of her wanted to slam the door in her face. Retribution for the past month. 

She couldn’t make up her mind about which part would win, so instead, she silently took a step back into the apartment, giving Tobin room to enter.

“Wow” the visiting woman breathes out “the new place is amazing, Chris. I love it.”

“Tobin.”

“These windows are nuts” Tobin runs her hands across the glass and takes in the sight of the city below her.

“Tobin.”

“I can’t believe you get this place all to yourself. Red Stars do it right, you should see the housing some of the new players on the Thorns have. I mean, even mine and Alex’s spot is way smaller than this!”

Christen can’t take it anymore and she all but shouts, “TOBIN!”

Tobin whips around from where she is walking about the apartment and meets Christen’s eyes, “What the hell are you doing here?”

A timid hand attempts to run through golden brown hair, accidentally knocking off her hat. She fumbles slightly, readjusts her hat, and enters the living room where Christen hasn’t left since opening the door. The striker watches as Tobin becomes more uncomfortable with the situation, and her eyes dart to the door and back to the woman in front of her, as if contemplating a quick exit.

“I miss you, Christen.”

“Don’t you think randomly showing up at my apartment unannounced, after 3 weeks of no communication I might add is, is a little dramatic for just wanting to tell me you miss me?” The words spewed out of Christen with a sense and tone of resentment she didn’t know she could muster.

“We have these things called cell phones and if you’re just here to tell me you miss me, I really would have preferred to see that in a text because then you would at least give me the chance to choose if I cared or wanted to hear it. You have no right to do this to me, Tobin. No right, especially after everything, no right.” 

The tears are building up in her throat and are threatening to fall. Her chin trembles and breathing becomes harder.

“I have spent the past 3 weeks miserable because of you and you don’t just get to show up in my fucking house, in my fucking city, tell me you miss me and think everything is going to be okay. You don’t get to have that power over me, not anymore.” 

Tobin barely flinches, she stands there, taking in Christen’s rage. Like she deserves it.

“God, I really just want to hate you. But, you make it so god damn hard, Tobin. You make my life so hard.” Christen sits down on the couch and puts her head in her hands.

She hears light footsteps, as Tobin makes her way a little closer to the couch. If it weren’t for the cracking of her knees, Christen wouldn’t have realized the girl was crouching in front of her. Out of nowhere, she feels strong arms encapsulate her shoulders, pulling her into an equally strong body.

A flood of emotions overtakes Christen. Competing emotions.

In an instant she feels safe, comforted, warm, as well as belligerent, fired up, and down right mad. She beats her hands against Tobin’s chest trying to break the hold she has on her, but Tobin just holds her tighter. Whispering “I’m here, Chris. I’m here” in her ear as the sobs wrack through her body. 

Before she knew it, she has her arms wrapped around Tobin’s midsection, holding the midfielder close to her, “I am so mad at you, Tobin.”

“I am mad at me, too” the older woman replies, her voice evident of her own crying.

Christen peels herself away from Tobin, but neither release their hold on one another. Afraid of breaking.

Green eyes meet hazel, “Tell me why you’re really here.”

One of Tobin’s hand slips from behind Christens back, and slides into the pockets of her sweats, extracting her phone. She unlocks it, opens the internet, and hands it to Christen.

Confused, Christen looks down and sees a TMZ page with her own face. Well her face with Jimmy Butler’s from the date two nights previous. She can’t help but roll her eyes. 

“Oh what? Now that someone else might want me, you think it’s a good time to stake claim?” Her anger starts to build again, but Tobin just grabs the phone and puts it back in her pocket, before taking Christen fully back in her arms.

“I couldn’t risk you not knowing.”

Anger flares again, “Stop talking in fucking code, Tobin. Please for once just be honest with me. I just need honesty. I need you to be straightforward.”

Tobin takes a deep breath and steels herself, “The last three weeks have been torture for me. So much has happened and the only person I wanted to talk to and tell everything to I couldn’t. I couldn’t because I had fucked it all up. Fucked it all up by not being real with myself. Fucked it all up by not being real with you. Fucked it all up by not telling you I was in love with you years ago. Not taking the risk with you because it was far greater than any reward with anyone else. Fucked it all up by being cowardly. Fucked it all up by not calling Shirley the moment I knew we were more and ending it there. I am sorry it took me so long to get my shit together Christen, but to be honest you fucking scare me.”

“I scare you?”

Tobin nearly laughs, “Yeah. You are like the most incredible person I have ever met, and you’re so good, and so right. The thought of being with you is terrifying, cause I know I don’t deserve you. And I would feel like an imposter everyday trying to prove to you that somehow you should stay.”

“Tobin…”

Tobin raises a hand to Christen’s mouth to stop her, “Wait. Let me just finish. That night. The night you told me you had feelings for me. I got on a plane that night to Paris, which you knew, but you thought I was going there to get back with her, but I wasn’t. Shirley and I had actually broken up before the World Cup, well took a break, but I needed to cut ties fully. I had been so mad about you since before the World Cup, but I needed us to focus on that and I felt like I should do right by Shirley. I needed to tell her about you in person, I needed to do that the right way. Even if I wasn’t going to be with you, I wasn’t going to let her hold on to me when I was so fully committed to someone else. Then I flew back to Portland the same day, but really a different day cause of travel or whatever. And I have spent the last 3 weeks booking and unbooking flights to Chicago. Flights to you. To tell you everything, tell you how in love with you I am, tell you how amazing I think you. Tell you how all those words you said to me that night made it feel like every cell in my body was going to explode. But…” she trails off.

“But, you were scared.”

“Terrified. Terrified that the second I let you walk away from me in that hotel I had blown it all again. So I have spent the last 3 weeks being my stupid, indecisive, noncommittal self, and then I saw the picture. And I knew I couldn’t risk you not knowing how I felt. I couldn’t risk you making a decision without all the facts. I couldn’t risk you not understanding.”

“Not understanding what?”

They locked eyes once more, “That I am undeniably, irrevocably, insanely in love with you, Christen Press.”

Without a second thought, Christen brings her hands to Tobin’s tear stained cheeks and pulls her in for a blistering kiss. 

Shockingly, nothing momentous happened. The tectonic plates didn’t shift when their lips met, the stars didn’t align, fireworks didn’t implode. But her heart beat fluttered a touch, before finding its natural rhythm, her stomach settled, and her brain went calmingly still. 

They pull away, both with dazzling smiles that meet their eyes.

“What about Jimmy? What about the photo?”

Christen giggles, “I think you should talk to Lauren. Pretty sure she knew this was going to happen.”

“She has always had a sixth sense for how to pull my head out of my ass.”

Christen pulls Tobin off the floor where she had been planted, and onto the couch next to her. Linking their hands.

She takes a deep breath and settles herself, “I think we still have so much to talk about and figure out before we make any decisions about us, plus I am still kind of mad at you.”

‘I deserve that.”

“True. But, I need you to hear me say this and I need you to believe it.”

Tobin nods and stays quiet, waiting for whatever Christen has to give.

“I love you, Tobin. I’ve loved you for a really long time. First as a competitor, then as a teammate, and now as so much more. I know things are bound to be messy and complicated and we both have things to unpack for one another and ourselves, but I have never been so certain about anything or anyone in my life. You’re it for me.”

Tobin flashes her a watery smile, before leaning in and placing a small kiss on Christen’s nose.

“I know that after the last 3 weeks, hell the last 3 years, that hearing that should scare the shit out of me, but it doesn’t. You’re it for me, too, Chris.”

“Then let's figure out this together thing, huh?”


	6. Chapter 6

Back in Portland...(somewhat present day)

It was time to hard chill. 

The Red Stars were in town and the two teams were jostling for top positions in the leaderboard. To say Tobin had faced some frustrations since coming back from the World Cup would be an understatement. Both she and the team, primarily the Americans who came from France last, were struggling to find their form again. The team righted the ship while the internationals were gone, but Tobin could sense that things were not completely settled and they only had 7ish games left it was imperative to start progressing collectively . So, she had to ensure that tonight went well.

Plus, Christen was going to be in the stands, and if there is one person Tobin constantly wants to impress it is Christen. 

Maybe impress isn’t the right word. All Tobin has truly ever wanted is for Christen to be proud of her. 

Of course, everyone knew how proud Christen was of Tobin, but through all of Tobin’s swagger and confidence, she always feels that she is letting those who loved her down. It was her Achilles heel. But, it was even more prevalent with her girlfriend.

Since beginning to date Christen, especially after how they started, the Jersey girl always felt like she was trying to make up for lost time, trying to compensate for how she treated Christen, always attempting to make it up to Christen. All Christen ever wanted was Tobin’s love, which she gave her girlfriend in abundance. Sometimes Tobin just needed a little reminder that she was always enough. Love was the younger woman needed. Her love specifically. 

Tobin just wanted to get the win and head out on the victory tour on a high note with the Thorns. Leaving the team in a good place, so when she came back it was rolling. So hard chill was in full effect, which is why she found herself lounging on the couch, clicker in hand, scrolling through some recordings of old games and shows deciding what to catch up on. Her heart rate was low. Her mind was clear. 

She was picking between two games, when she heard the door to the spare room open and close, and the light foot falls of her girlfriend coming closer. Even though she was trying to not to be distracted, she had a feeling she could catch a peek at Christen in yoga pants and she was human after all. 

“Good morning, love” Christen cheerily greeted and swung by the couch to drop a kiss on top of Tobin’s head. Christen was already out of bed this morning when Tobin woke up and while she felt Christen drop a kiss on her cheek before the younger woman started her day, she had yet to say a proper good morning.

Tobin hums as Christen kisses her and reaches out to squeeze her hand, “Hi” she all but whispers while taking in all of the woman in front of her. Even after 4 years, Tobin would never tire of seeing Christen in all her moments. Classy Christen. Tired Christen. Fancy Christen. Stanford Christen. Dorky Christen. Game face Christen. All the Christens. But there was something about post morning routine Christen that always made Tobin have to catch her breath.

The expanse of skin between yoga pants and sports bra, toned and firm, yet an undeniable softness. Christen would always complain that Tobin, Kelley, and Sonnett must have been born with abs because no matter how many planks or crunches she did, her stomach didn’t tone in the same way. Tobin thought shew as crazy. Her curls were pulled back into a tight bun. Face fresh of makeup, Tobin’s favorite. She was exuding an energy, a calm energy that the midfielder believed she could literally feel.

“You’re sweatier than usual” Tobin remarks as Christen plops down next to her on the couch and stretches her legs over her girlfriend’s lounging frame. She reaches out and touches a bead of sweat on the raven hairline. 

A sweet giggle erupts from the younger woman’s throat. “Gee, love, thanks for noticing.”

“I notice everything about you” her hands reaches out and plays with the waistline of Christen’s yoga pants. 

Green eyes fall sharply on her hands, “Don’t start something you can’t finish “Hard Chill Heath.”

Tobin retracts her hands and holds them up innocently with a smirk.

“I actually used the Peloton this morning after I meditated. Figured some intervals would do me some good before heading into practice this week. ”

Tobin hums, “What did you think? Worth the investment?” Peloton had reached out to Tobin about promoting the product around Portland since they were under consideration of opening a studio. They gave her a free trial period and would let her keep the bike for free if she would promote. She loved the bike, but didn’t want to become that kind of athlete in Portland, so instead she offered to buy it. It became her favorite cardio supplement on off days or mixed training days.

Christen nods, “Shockingly, I really liked it, but I did learn one thing” she flicked Tobin’s ear lobe, “I will have to create my own user account.”

Tobin turns her head to look at her girlfriend quizzically, “What do you mean? What’s wrong with mine?”

“First of all, how am I going to prove I am a better cycler if we can’t compete? Second of all, yours is curated with all your favorite teachers and I am not too proud to admit that it will be easier for me to pretend you’re not just picking the hot teachers if I can’t see your class list.”

A blush rushes to Tobin’s face, “I don’t just pick the hot teachers!”

“Hmm, your dedication to Emma Lovewell and Ally Love would say differently, Tobs.”

“I just like their classes’ she argues. “They give me the best workout.”

“Sure, sure” Christen adjusts herself to get off the couch but Tobin locks her arms around her girlfriend's waist.

“Hey now, you can’t leave at this moment” she leans forward and cuddles her face into Christens neckline and inhales before peppering her neck with kisses, “You’re way hotter than Ally, I promise.”

Christen laughs out loud, “At least you have a type. Mixed women definitely are the hottest.” She twists her head to plant a kiss on Tobin’s lips. “Okay, I have to hit the showers. I am meeting JJ for breakfast.”

Tobin’s grip gets tighter, “I will not allow it! My woman will not be fraternizing with the enemy before a game.”

Christen raises a deadly eyebrow and her green eyes flash “Excuse me, your woman?”

“That’s right. You’re my woman.” Tobin tries to say with confidence, but her girlfriends glare nearly makes her voice crack.

Christen wiggles her way out of Tobin’s hold, “Hate to break it to you, baby, but until there is a ring on this finger” she dramatically brandishes her left ring finger “I am nobody’s woman.” She leans in and kisses Tobin’s cheek before making her way back to the bedroom.

Tobin’s heart catches in her throat. While she knows Christen is joking, and she has told Tobin many times that nothing makes her happier than being hers, she knows that she can’t make Christen wait forever. It’s been four years of happiness and love and both women know there is no other option for them.

What Tobin also knows, which Christen doesn’t, is there is a very expensive ring sitting in a pair of her Air Jordan’s on the top shelf of her closet that she will have to reveal to her girlfriend sooner rather than later. Very soon. The question is just about timing. But, for now, it is time to hard chill. She sinks back into the couch and flips her attention back to the TV.  
***  
Julie’s bright cackle fills the small cafe, and Christen can’t help the peel of laughter that escapes her own mouth in response to her friend.

“So you literally caught her only taking spin classes from hot ladies? Such a classic Tobin move. It’s like when during the first World Cup her favorite recovery became yoga cause that’s where you would be.”

“Oh my god, I know. All these beautiful ladies. One has this amazing natural hair though and she rocks it HARD. Tobin loves natural hair, but mine doesn’t compare, even when I purposely try to tease it out for her.”

Julie waves her hand in front of her face “Love you both, don’t need to know any of your fetishes.”

“Oh, shut it.” Christen smacks her friend on the arm, who only winks in response. “I just have to keep my eyes peeled for hot spin instructors now, not just hot soccer players.”

Blue eyes roll “As if Tobin could have eyes for anyone but you. It’s been puppy eyes for years, though admittedly you get caught way more on camera.”

Now it’s Christen’s turn to roll her eyes. She does her best to ignore everything on the internet, but Sonnett loves sending them “Preath” Tumblr pages, one of which is strictly pictures of Christen looking at Tobin.

“What can I say, JJ? With a body and face like this, can’t blame the cameras for always finding me.”

“ANNNDD I am vomiting.”

Both women erupt with laughter.

“I miss this Pressie. No one in Chicago does this for me anymore. I mean, don’t get me wrong, I love my team. But it’s hard enough to drag Alyssa out of her solitude to grab coffee and Moe doesn’t quite understand our need to shop.” She eyeballs the shopping bags littered underneath the coffee table. Even in quirky Portland the two friends found some boutiques to do some pregame shopping.

“Yeah, shit, please don’t tell Tobin we did that.”  
“Zack neither. But, seriously, I miss you!”

Christen smiles, “I know, Jules, and I miss Chicago in a lot of ways too, but it was so hard being so far from Tobin, and I felt like I had tapped out with the Red Stars. I got them into the top four, but we could never break that first round game. I wasn’t getting better and they weren’t getting better. Now you have all the pieces you need, plus your leadership. Everything that happened was as it was meant to happen. I actually really like Utah. Teammates are great. I love Laura. It works.”

“Even though it isn’t Portland.”

Christen lowers her voice, “Okay, promise you won’t tell Tobin this? Hell don’t even tell Zack cause we know they talk on those dumb video games and end up telling each other weird secrets.”

The blonde shudders “I KNOW! Please don’t remind me of when I had to chew Zack out for talking to Tobin about my ingrown toe nails. Spill.”

“I don’t want to play here.” 

“Wait. What? How? I thought your number one choice was Portland all along.” 

“It was, but since being in Utah and finding a new rhythm, I actually think I am better suited not playing with Tobin. It let’s me keep everything separate in my head, so when I am footballing in Utah, I can focus on that, and when I am here in the off season I can focus on her. I think I would have sensory overload doing both at the same time, and couldn’t give either the attention they deserve.”

Julie nods thoughtfully, “That actually makes a ton of sense. I mean Zack and I are lucky that only part of the seasons overlap and we can be with each other most of them, but when I am in Chicago it is like my whole mind frame changes and I am soccer player Julie, not wife Julie.”

“Exactly. I miss her like crazy, don’t get me wrong, but it is sustainable for the most part. There have been a few points in the season that were particularly challenging, and we splurged on a plane ticket for a 30 hour visit, but we know we are playing the long game.”

The women got a heat up on their coffees before heading back towards Julie’s hotel. The midfielder has to start game prep and has a meeting with the tactical staff before heading to Providence Park. The two walk in unison and both fell right back into their natural friendship status they had in Chicago. Christen would never be as close to Julie as Crystal was, but she appreciated the consistency and directness of the younger girl. They actually got their first caps together, but Christen was called up more consistently between then and their first World Cup together, so was considered more of a veteran by the time Julie burst on the scene in late 2014. 

“So, when are you and Tobin finally going to get engaged?”

Christen sighs, “Funny you should mention that. I just called her out on that this morning.”

“Did you really, she must have totally freaked!”

“Well, I didn’t exactly call her out, but did point out how I still don’t have a ring. I didn’t point out that I know there is a ring in a pair of her sneakers in the closet.”

“OH MY GOD” Julie stops walking and pulls Christen into a vice like hug “ I AM SO HAPPY FOR YOU!’

“Release, JJ, she still hasn’t asked me. I only found it because I was trying to get some of her stuff packed up before we move to the new place, but then I saw it in the shoe and freaked that she would notice I moved it and put it back as carefully as possible. She hates when I touch her shoes...now I know why”

“How nice is it?”

Christen sighs again “It’s gorgeous. She did really well. I am sure she got some input from Perry and Katie, but it’s definitely a Tobin purchase.”

“Are you kind of sad you found it? I remember when I got the feeling Zach was about to propose, I purposely never looked anywhere I thought he might hide a ring. I didn’t want to ruin the surprise.”

Christen remembers when Zach and Julie got engaged, and remembering how nervous he was before popping the big question. But, nervous and Tobin were never a combination in her life. She had never been more sure of anything, and seeing as she was one of the most anxiety riddled person ever, this was always a major sign to her that everything she and Tobin had was real. But, the forward actually has to think about her friend’s question. Did finding the ring change how she felt about getting engaged?

“Not really. She’s my forever. I’ve known that from the moment she showed up in my Chicago apartment looking like a sad puppy and at this rate who knows how long that ring has been in that stinky shoe and who knows if she is ever going to actually ask me to marry her.”

Julie puts an arm around her friend, “You’re crazy. Why don’t you just ask her?”

“She has made it very clear that’s not an option.”

“Classic Tobin” the two slow as the hotel comes into view on the next block. “Listen, Pressie. I know Tobin and I aren’t that close, but I do know that you’re it for her. She changed her entire life for you. Aimless, drifter Tobin actually settled down. Laid roots. For you. She built a home for and around you. That girl is crazy about you. It’s not about if she asks you to marry her, it’s about when. Trust the process.”

Christen is truly touched by her friends words, but tries to play it cool, “Okay, Jill. I’ll trust the process, but if Tobin ends up marrying Alex Morgan because my time in the process never comes I am going to blame you.”

“Oh gosh, don’t call me Jill. I would never bench you just because we happen to also have the other best forward in the world on our team!” She pulls her friend into one more hug, “Alright, Pressie, I will see you after the game, yeah? I know Lyss and Moe want to say hi.” Julie starts to head towards the hotel.

“I’ll be there. Good luck out there.”

Julie turns quickly, “Tell Tobin to kick rocks!”

Christen laughs as her friend disappears through the automatic doors, and turns on her heel to make her way back towards their apartment. On the walk, she passes by her bank, and decides to go in and get paperwork to process a bank check for their first, last, and security on the new apartment, so she can drop the paperwork she and Tobin filled out last night off before the office closes.

She walks to the open teller, “Hi, I want to get a bank check for a security deposit on an apartment.” 

“No problem” the teller smiles brightly and begins clicking on her keyboard, “Do you have your debit card or perhaps the last eight digits of the account.”

“Shoot, my debit card is in my other purse.” She pulls her phone out and uses her thumbprint to access her locked notes. “But I do have the last eight digits.” Christen grabs the piece of paper the teller passed and quickly jotted down the sequence before sliding it back under the glass.

“Thanks, this will just take a second.”

Christen checks the time and starts to plan what else she can take care of before heading to Tobin’s game in two hours. Her ability to create a mental checklist was almost as impressive as her tangible daily planner. She is finalizing the list in her head when...

“Excuse me? Ms. Heath?” the teller calls and Christen is brought back to focus.

“Sorry, Ms. Heath, I just need an ID and value of bank check and we can you on your way”

Christen reaches into her purse to grab her ID and then suddenly realizes the error, “Press.”

“Sorry, what Ms. Heath?”

“Press. My last name is um Press. The second person on the account. Christen Press.” She dropped her ID onto the counter and slid it over.

“I do apologize about that Ms. Press, I just assumed…”

“No worries, it’s fine. I didn’t notice...I liked it...it’s fine, thank you.” Christen flushes scarlet at the interaction and then pretends to be interested in her cuticles as the teller wraps up.

“Okay, Ms. Press” the teller slides her ID and a bank check under the glass “There is your ID and the check for the proper amount. Thanks for coming in and I apologize again about the mix up.”

Christen flashes a winning smile and tucks her ID and check back into her purse, before breezing out of the bank.

Ms. Heath.

Mrs. Heath.

Mrs. Christen Heath.

Mrs. Tobin and Christen Heath.

Mrs. Christen Press-Heath.

Mrs. Tobin Press-Heath.

Too wordy.

Mrs. Christen Heath.

Christen Annemarie Heath.

No.

Christen Press Heath. 

She definitely didn’t mind the mix up. 

The rest of her afternoon goes smoothly before she heads to the park for the game, her number one task was to clean up the apartment, which she always did before they left which Tobin never understood. She liked coming home to cleanliness. The forward even packed up a few more boxes of her miscellaneous items that she wouldn’t need between this stay and their future move date.

Christen knew that it would be within the next 3 months that the couple would be settling into their new apartment, and with all her premeditated packing one might think they were moving next week. She was just excited to start the new chapter of their lives together, and she also knew that leaving things till the last minute would cause undue stress for them, as if they had any time to spare with the end of NWSL responsibilities and the victory tour. If there were things Christen could control she wanted to control them.

The forward found herself standing in front of her chifferobe separating some of her more summery clothes, mainly dresses and maxi skirts, getting ready to put them in a garment bag, knowing she wouldn’t have a need for them over the next few months. Her calendar had her primarily in Utah until the end of October, back in Portland for a few weeks before national team friendlies, then heading to LA for the Thanksgiving holidays with the Press Pack. Christen had pegged the first week of December as their move date, said as much in the email she sent to the leasing agent last night, and would confirm this afternoon.

She zips the garment bag, checks the time, and moves onto Tobin’s closet to see if there are any non-necessities she can start organizing for her girlfriend. She runs her hands over the hangers and soon sighs seeing as Tobin could make an argument for her wardrobe being multi-seasonal. A smile spreads across Christen’s face imagining how Tobin would react to her already packing.

“Babe, half your wardrobe isn’t even here and it will take me a quarter of the space and time to pack all my clothes. Fold and go, love. Fold and go.”

As she stands in front of the closet, her eyes drift up to a pair of green sneakers. She tries to ignore the pull, but it is as if she is a puppet and her master lifts her arm and pulls her onto her toes. Her arm stretches out and reaches into the top of the shoe and her finger tips touch velvet.

Her stomach flutters, with what, she isn’t sure. It could be guilt, it could be excitement. She starts to push on her toes harder, getting her hand deeper into the shoe in order to grab the box. Just as her palm feels the velvet, her phone pings from when it sits on the bed and it’s as if her calves give out. Feet hit the floor and she almost realizes what she was doing.

Shaking her head, she retreats to the bed and grabs her phone, and sees a text from Tobin.

TPH 143 1:02 PM: Breathe. Stretch. Shake.

Stomach flutters yet again. She sits down on their bed and her eyes glance up at the closet yet again, zeroing in on the green Nike’s. Tobin’s face floods her mind. Her wonderful, beautiful girlfriend. Whose love has made her a more dynamic, open, free human being. Just knowing that Tobin wanted to marry her was enough. The when was inconsequential at this point. Her fingers flutter across her phone screen.

The Real 23 1:04 PM: Let it go. Love to love you, T. Meg all the people for me today.

TPH 143 1:04 PM: Can’t wait for victory kisses in the tunnel.

The Real 23 1:05 PM: Win the game first, then we can talk about kisses.

Christen takes it as a sign. Time to get freshened up and heads toward the park to watch the game. Within a fleeting glance at Tobin’s closet, she heads towards the en suite.  
***

Tobin feels like she is almost dragging her feet up the stairs of the bus. They had just wrapped up their final game of the fall, victory tour was over, new coach was hired, and finally, finally, finally they were about to have a break. She was looking forward to two undisturbed weeks with Christen in Portland before going their own way for Thanksgiving. But, for right now, she couldn’t help but feel anything but tired.

Bus rides have always been one of her favorite things about being on the National Team. The bus truly brought out the best and worst in everyone, from dance parties and to epic pranks from car sickness and unexpected delays, the bus was where memories were made. 

Tobin used to be Alex’s bus buddy, spending their time playing monopdeal and bothering ARod and Cheney, who sat behind them. At times Kelley would meander over and they would make music videos and be told to pipe down by the vets. But now she shared with Christen. Instead of games and excitement, Christen, per usual, brought a sense of calm. It settled Tobin before games in a way she had never experienced. Her girlfriend would sit calmly next to her, headphones in, usually reading a magazine or book. Every so often a hand would land on her thigh giving her a gentle squeeze or a soft, almost imperceptible kiss would land on her shoulder. Reminding Tobin she was there, always there. 

As she files towards her seat, she notices her girlfriend is wrapped up in conversation with Pinoe and Ashlyn a few rows ahead.

“Pressie, our poor quip guys are gonna need to order more and more jersey in your size if you keep giving them away like hot cakes!” Pinoe jokes.

“With how often we are changing kits these day, they will never run out. Our Olympic kits are going to be in soon, I bet we wear these current ones through CONCACAF and that’s it. They got plenty.” Christen quips back.

The green eyed woman slides back into the window of her seat as Tobin edges her way into their row. A sigh escapes the older woman’s as she settles into her seat. Her girlfriend reaches down and squeezes Tobin’s elbow lovingly.

“I think Queen Press really just wanted to make sure Shirley got a good look at what she was packing. Grass is certainly greener.” Ashlyn jibes. Tobin heats up, a flush crawls up her neck. 

A hand appeared as if out of nowhere and slapped Ashlyn across the head. “Jesus Pookie. I was just kidding. Pressie knows that.”

Allie whisper yells back “Not worried about Christen, Pookie.”

Ashlyn’s eyes flick to Tobin and immediately gets flustered, “Shit, Tobs. I was just kidding. I know Shirley is great and things ended on an okay note for you. Shit, dude. That was…”

Tobin looks over at her friend, trying to walk back her poorly timed joke and almost felt bad. She was not even sure why the comment bothered her. Her life was Shirley felt like a completely different version of herself, “Hey, don’t worry Ash. No bother.” She turned and gazed up at Christen who was leaning against the window, looking at her girlfriend with soft eyes, “I am absolutely dating up these days. If Shirley did see Chris give that jersey away, I am sure it was a sight for sore eyes.”

Christen rolls her eyes and slides down into her seat, but makes sure her thigh presses against Tobin’s. Almost as if with Velcro. Tobin takes the opportunity to look at Christen fully, making eye contact with the woman. She lets her eyes tell her love everything she is feeling in that moment. Green eyes meet her hazel ones and sparkle.

The ride back to the hotel is quick and oddly quiet. There is an interesting vibe around the team. This could be the last time this group of 23 are together for a long time. And some of the World Cup players weren’t even there. Krieger, Dunny, Kelley, and Baby T were hurt. Alex was pregnant. Things were changing.   
The December camp was all fresh call-ups, and while expectedly all of them would be called into qualifying camp, there is no guarantee that they would all be on that roster. In fact, they knew at least three of them wouldn’t be. 

The bus rolls up to the hotel and quickly Sonnett jumps up,

“Hey family game night happening TONIGHT! We are going to open the doors between ours and Sammy and JJ’s room.” She gestures towards Rose, “See everyone in 20!”

A gentle, but still plenty loud cheer comes from the back of the bus, but Tobin just leans her head back against her seat and takes a deep breath. She whispers out to Christen, “I’m just so tired.”

A hum escapes the forwards throat and she runs her hand over Tobin’s knee “I know, love, but the kids just want to cherish all this a little longer. It’s not like last time...lot more in the air. Mally would be crushed if her celebrity partner was a no show. ”

Tobin groans a little bit as her girlfriend gently nudges her out of her seat, “Come on, T. Let's decompress in your room for a little bit and then show face at game night, okay?” They let almost everyone file off the bus as the couple leisurely makes their way towards the hotel.

Once they get to Tobin’s room, Lindsey is already buzzing around, getting ready to make her way over to game night. The two former PSG teammates and current Thorns teammates were a natural pair for rooming. They both lived and breathed soccer, but socialized in different circles on the team, while still being incredibly close themselves. Christen typically roomed with Ali, but she wasn’t on this trip, so she was paired up with Andi Sullivan. Tobin joked that all they did was compare Stanford professors and argue over who shined their Hermann trophy most often.

“Pressie! Big ol’ 51 international goals. I bow to you” Lindsey jokingly drops to her knees and pretends to kiss Christen’s feet. Tobin chuckles and slides into the bathroom, leaving her two teammates together as she went to freshen up.

“Get up you big goon” Christen jokes as she pulls the younger player off the ground. Lindsey’s bright laughter fills the room.

“I just love you so much” and all Tobin can hear are exaggerated kissing noses over the running water, and without a doubt Lindsey is peppering her girlfriends face with kisses. She hears giggles, “Get out of here Linds.” Then a door opens and closes. Tobin turns the water off and wipes her hands. 

She looks at her face in the mirror and sees the shadows from the bags forming under her eyes, and the slight sag of her cheeks. Her face had the last 11 months of hard work written all over it. Another deep breath and she carefully takes her contacts out, finding her glasses next to the sink, and she slinks back out into the room and rounds the corner to find Christen.

Smiling at the sight in front of her, Tobin sees her girlfriend laying on her bed. Travel jacket tossed on the chair near the windows. The younger girl is outstretched, a book in one hand (it was common for her to just pick up books and start reading, there must be hundreds of unfinished books scattered around their apartment, but Christen could pick them up at any moment and not miss a beat) and her other hand was splayed out on her midsection. Her shirt had ridden up just slightly, and Christen’s long fingers were lightly scratching at her own stomach.

Tobin’s mouth went dry at the sight. Such an innocent action made Tobin’s heart pound. She loved how attracted she was to Christen and how it never changed, she never got bored or complacent. Christen was the only woman she wanted. Sure, she might find other women attractive, she was human after all, but no one made her blood pump like this. 

Christen either didn’t notice Tobin, or didn’t care to recognize her presence at the moment. The hand on her stomach reaches up to flip the page as Tobin slides in next to her, immediately replacing the hand with her lips and laying kisses on the younger woman’s exposed midriff.

“That feels nice, T” Christen hums, as she drops her hand to run through Tobin’s hair and scratch at her scalp. Tobin continues to pepper small kisses and moves her lips a little further down, closer to the dropped waist band of the Christen’s sweats.

“Hey, hey, hey” Christen scolds. “We certainly don’t have time for that behavior.” Her eyes look away from the book and bore into Tobin’s. She nods her head towards her shoulder and Tobin crawls back up the bed a bit and lays her head on Christen’s chest as she continues reading. The striker’s free hand stays in her girlfriend’s hair, only being moved to turn pages. The stillness in the room let Tobin relax more than she had in the past week. The only sound was Christen’s heart and turning of pages. Her eyes flutter shut.

“Whose book is this?”

Tobin’s eyes remain closed “It’s Becky’s. She gave it to me during the victory tour and I just never pulled it out until this week.”

“The world building is pretty incredible in the first chapter, especially for a dystopian genre. A lot of times they get way caught up in the what and never get into the why.”

Tobin smirks at this, “Oh, baby, you know I love when you talk nerdy to me.”

It was Christen’s turn to smirk. She folded down the corner of the page and placed the book back on the bedside table where she found it. “I like it, make sure you bring that home, please and thank you.”

Tobin just hummed in response as she burrowed deeper into her snuggle against Christen. “T, we should really head over there. You know we won’t stay long, so we should go early and leave early.”

All Tobin can do is groan.

“Tobs, what’s up with you? You love team bonding. Especially the last night of a tournament.”

“I love this more.” She says against Christen’s chest, so it comes out muffled.

Christen leans down to press a few kisses to Tobin’s brow, “We have two weeks ahead of us that can be just us. Some time off, some real rest, and us, love. But right now I think it is important we go be with the team. Especially you.”

This comment perks Tobin up considerably, she raises off of her girlfriend to lean against the headboard, “What do you mean?”

A soft hand reaches out to grab Tobin’s and Christen starts to play with her fingers, “Think about it baby,you, Pinoe, Carli, Becky, Alex, and Kelley have been through this rotation the most. The team rotation. Alex and Kelley aren’t here. This isn’t Carli and Becky’s strong suit. Pinoe, god love her, is Pinoe. But, you, Toby you get these girls. You get Lindsey and Mail and Sonnett and even Rose more than anyone. They revere you. They need you at this moment.”

Tobin feels her throat getting tight and dry, knowing tears might be on the break if Christen keeps talking.

“Chris…”

“Their future is unclear. The team’s future is unclear. The next 7 weeks apart for them is going to be agonizing. They don’t know who will be back.” Christen squeezes her hand tightly, “Whether they are going to the Olympics.Whether their best friend is coming with them to the Olympics or being left at home. They need you to show them it’s okay.”

Tobin looks down at their intertwined hands and takes her free left hand and trails her pointer finger up and down Christen’s ring finger that is resting between her ring and middle finger. Part of her knew that CHristen was talking about the kids, but another part of her knew that these were Christen’s own anxieties as well. Anxieties about her and Tobin. She didn’t push that though, she tried to understand how to help in different ways.

“How am I supposed to do that? How do I show them that the revolving door of the national team is exactly that?

“Just by showing up. They know your history, Tobin. From Cheney and ARod. To injuries.” She coughs and gets a little quieter, “To dealing with my uncertainty on the team. They’ve seen you go through this. Maybe they will talk about it, maybe they won’t, but you should. Don’t let it hang over them like a cloud.”

It depth of Christen’s empathy never ceases to stun Tobin. She constantly tries to not only see other peoples feelings and spaces, but truly understand them. Tobin feels bad that she couldn’t put herself in Mal or Lindsey’s shoes, even though she has been there so many times before. There are many times she struggles to see her leadership on this squad, but this is a huge chance for her to show up.

She can’t help but lean over and kiss Christen. Pulling her girlfriends bottom lips between her own and giving them a small, loving nibble. When she pulls away, she notices the heat rising into the apples of Christen’s cheeks.

“You’re always right, C. Let’s boogie.” With a new burst of energy, she jumps out of bed and heads toward the door. Suddenly finding herself looking forward to another game night with the kids.  
***


	7. Chapter 7

It was two weeks of near bliss. The couple was actually able to take a deep breath after what seemed like close to 11 months of gasping for air. After the set of friendlies under Vlatko, they flew up to New York with Pinoe, Ashlyn, and Ali for the Glamour Women of the Year Awards. Pinoe was being honored and wanted her crew by her side, plus Sue couldn’t make it, so it felt right to be flanked by her best friends. 

Christen always loved getting dressed for events, she felt like a doll getting her clothes picked out for her, getting her hair and make up done. Tobin on the other hand would have literally rather done most anything else, but once she saw the way Christen’s jaw dropped at the sight of her in her two piece suit, she took it in stride.

Upon getting back to Portland, Christen was able to micromanage the whole apartment and get everything nearly packed up for the impending move. The apartment was close to bare, with rooms being turned into labeled boxes, some color coordinated due to package weight and some based on whether they were to be moved by the women or by the movers. Tobin was able to dive headfirst into some major projects she had to put off for far too long. The Re-Inc drop was just around the corner, and both women were buzzing with excitement. 

And, most blissful of all, they were together. Waking up every morning in each other’s arms and ending each night with a kiss, sometimes more. Usually more. 

They had one more day before Tobin was scheduled to head to her family’s home in Florida for a small family reunion over the holidays, Christen’s departure was a day later as she was just heading down to Palos Verdes.The whole Heath family had not been together since before the new year, and Christen could feel the excitement rolling off her girlfriend’s body when the departure date got closer and closer. Tobin had begged Christen to join her, but it was important for Christen to be with her sisters and father. It would be her dad’s first birthday without her mom, and a large contingent of the Press family would be descending upon Southern California. 

Tobin was literally bouncing around the house, with an energy Christen hadn’t seen in her girlfriend since before the World Cup. Her whistle was louder, her hugs a little tighter, and if possible her smile even brighter. Family was everything to Tobin, it was for Christen as well, but since last January, family got more meaningful, but if anything a little harder. And right now, the idea of going to her family without Tobin was the hardest thing of all.

Her girlfriend had been more than her rock over the past year, she had been her lifeline. Ever since they found out her mom was sick, it was as if Tobin only left her side if it was absolutely necessary - club team responsibilities, and not much else. But, now, Christen had seen that she had been almost selfish. She was struggling to see that Tobin needed to be taken care of as well. She needed her own family. She needed her own space to decompress, to grieve the loss herself. In fact, Christen was the one that convinced Tobin to go see her family. The woman had spent over the last year of her life putting herself second to make sure Christen came first. 

It was time Christen put Tobin first. Her girlfriend needed space, not from her, but from the weight of everything that has happened, and there was no better fix than some Florida sun, love from her nieces and nephews, and wine with her siblings. Well, wine mostly for Katie and Perry. If Christen knew her girlfriend and girlfriend’s brother, they would be breaking into the stash of single malt before the trip was over.

So logically, Christen knew that Tobin going to Florida was a great thing. And logically, she knew it was her decision and that Tobin would never go if Christen wanted, needed, asked her to stay. 

But, Christen knew Tobin needed Florida.

Cindy Heath called the girls earlier in the fall to talk about holiday plans. They had been in the kitchen making dinner together, Christen stirring sauce on the stove, while Tobin chopped vegetables for a salad. The call started easy enough but the second Thanksgiving was mentioned Tobin immediately pulled her mom off speaker phone to take the call in private. Christen knew it was so Tobin could explain why they, why she, wouldn’t be joining the Heath family for Thanksgiving or for Christmas. Why she wanted to stay with Christen, why Christen needed her to stay, to be with the Press family. Why the Press family needed her with them.

Christen remembers the look on Tobin’s face when she came back into the kitchen. A fake smile plastered on her face.

“Mom says bye and she loves you.” Tobin puts her phone back on the counter and presses play on her Spotify. The sounds of Lake Street Dive fill the kitchen again, just as they were before Cindy called.

“You didn’t need to leave the room” Christen says quietly over the music.

“Huh” Tobin replied distractedly. 

Christen reached up to turn the burner to simmer. She wiped her hands on a dish towel and approached her girlfriend who was still chopping vegetables over the counter. Christen wrapped her arms around Tobin’s mid section, hugging her from behind, and she placed a few kisses on the nape of the older woman’s neck.

“Go to Florida, baby” Christen whispers in her ear.

Tobin puts the knife down and turns in Christen’s arms, pulling the woman into her arms, “Don’t worry about that love. Where you go, I go. My mom understands.”

“Go to Florida.” Christen repeats into Tobin’s neck. “Your family needs you. You need your family. Go to Florida. I’m okay.”

Tobin stills for a second, “It’s not that I think you’re not…I want to be with...Chris, baby...”

“We don’t need to decide tonight. You don’t need to decide tonight, but I know you’re missing them. And if I could go with you, I would. But your family needs you, and I need to be there for my family. Just know that I want you to want to go. Not just want, I will be okay if you go. We will be okay. Okay?” Christen kisses Tobin quickly before heading back towards the stove.

“Okay” Tobin murmurs.

And, while it took a few more conversations, and much more convincing on Christen’s behalf, Tobin finally agreed that it would be good for her to see her family over the Thanksgiving holiday. 

It seemed so far away then, and Christen was able to compartmentalize being away from Tobin. Sure, they didn’t live together full time, and over the course of the fall they were apart more than they were together, but holidays were different. Off season was different. And now the time was coming when she would need to bring her girlfriend to the airport and go face what she had to at home. Alone. 

She couldn’t help but get choked up when she saw Tobin’s suitcase open on their bed. Haphazardly packed with her jeans and soft t-shirts for cooler nights on the beach. Her favorite snap back tossed in with her clean socks and underwear. What really got Christen was the neatly folded Stanford t-shirt, obviously swiped from her own chifferobe, that was delicately placed at the top of the bag. A little token of Christen to bring on vacation.

She felt so utterly foolish for the tears that were threatening to fall from her eyes. Felt selfish. Felt weak. She sat down on the edge of the bed and pulled the maroon Bodega hat into her lap. Running her hands over the brim, noticing the faded edges, and some small fraying in the stitching. Evidence of a lot of wear. Suddenly, a perfect teardrop fell onto the red brim and she drastically wiped at the spot, as she heard a jovial whistle coming from the hallway.

“Chris” Tobin’s voice calls out. “Honey, where are you?” The whistle gets closer and Christen desperately tries to collect herself in order to respond, but her voice fails her, thick tears cascade down her cheeks. She wills herself to pull it together, to be strong, strong for Tobin.

“Chris?” Tobins voice is closer, clearer, “Baby? Are you in the bathro…” the end of the question swallowed, as Tobin had opened the door to their bedroom and found Christen.

Without missing a beat, Tobin strode over to the bed and dropped to the floor at Christen’s feet. Down onto her knees, pulling the hat out from Christen’s hands, and running her own hands up and down the strikers thighs.

“Christen, what’s wrong?” Tobin asks glancing up at clouded grey eyes, not a hint of green to be seen. Christen’s hand covered her face, as her body shook, wracked with sobs. Delicate hands moved from her own face and took Tobin’s face into her hands. Placing their foreheads against one another’s. Tobin rose up from her haunches and wrapped her arms around the younger woman’s waist. 

“I’m right here, Chris, I’m right here. I’m not going anywhere.” Christen felt Tobin’s strong hands running up and down her back, through her hair. Soon, the bed sunk down next to her as Tobin sat, so she could more easily pull Christen into her lap. Hold her more closely, more tenderly, more completely. “Breathe, baby, breathe. Here, here, here, give me your hand…”

Tobin pulls away from Christen a bit and takes one of the striker’s hands in both of hers, just to place it over her heart. “Feel my heartbeat, try to match your breath to that rhythm, okay? Just breathe love. I don’t want you to have a panic attack. Whatever you are feeling is okay, but just breathe a little deeper. Can you do that for me?”

Christen nods slowly and tries to keep her eyes open and on her sweet, sweet girlfriend. Tears are still leaking out, but she is able to catch her breath. During her deep breaths, she takes in her girlfriend. White paint speckles in her hair, a backwards hat adorned on her head, an old ratty tye-dye shirt on. She was painting.

She takes one more deep breath, “I’m sorry, Tobin. I am fine really, I promise. I just came in here and saw your suitcase on the bed, and I guess it all hit me.”

Tobin kept one hand covering Christen’s over her heart, and ran her other one up and down the outstretched arm, “What hit you?” 

Her eyes went up to the ceiling, struggling to even get the words out cause she felt so silly, looking back at Tobin she saw no judgement in her eyes, but just love, “Just that you’re leaving.”

Tobin gave her a soft smile, “C, you know that I would cancel this trip in a second if you need me to. Nothing is more important than you.”

“But, I don’t want you to cancel. I want you to go.” She finally chokes out “I need you to go.”

Tobin nods slowly,she moves her hand from her girlfriend’s arm and up to cup her cheek, “Need me to? Unpack that.” Her thumb swipes across a brown cheek to wipe away tears that are still falling. 

She shifts back, scooting herself to the center of the bed and turns so her knees are touching Tobin’s, she takes her hands and grabs Tobin’s, something to anchor her. Looking down at their entwined hands, hers soft and smooth, her girlfriend’s always a bit calloused, usually with flecks of paint like today, but always warm and always there. 

One more deep breath, “First of all, baby, your family misses you and you miss your family. I see it everyday, it is weighing on you, you need time with them.”

“Chris, that doesn’t matter…”

Christen’s hand shoots up and overs Tobin’s mouth.

“It does matter. You need to feel cared for, you need to be doted on, you need to be put first.”

“You care for me.”

She can’t help but smile softly, “Of course I care for you Tobin. But, you need your family's care. This year has been so crazy. With the highest highs and lowest lows. Your whole focus has either been on me or on football, and you need some focus on yourself. I haven’t been able to do that, fully, for you, and your family will.”

Christen sees Tobin swallow deeply and nod. 

Another deep breath allows Christen to continue “Second of all, I need to know that I can go home” she squeezes Tobin’s hand even tighter and then locks eyes with her love “that I can go home without you. Go home without my escape.”

Hazel eyes become cloudy, almost as if with confusion.

“Tobs, for the last year you have been indefatigable as my rock. You have never let me suffer, yet you let me feel. You always stood by my side, let me stumble, but never let me fall. You were my everything. You are my everything. I can never account for every single thing you carried me through, without ever making me feel helpless or weak.”

The older woman shakes her head, “You don’t need to account for those things, Christen. You don’t need to make up for any of that. Of course, I did those things. You would do them for me too.”

She can’t help but smile at Tobin, “Yes, love, of course I would. But, for both of us, I need to fall and I need to pick myself back up. I need to walk into that house for the first time without you” another deep breath “and without my mom. I need to fall asleep in my childhood bedroom without her saying goodnight and without the safety of your arms around me. I need to be with my dad and understand what he goes through every day, in that house, without the person he loves to guide him.”

She leans forward and captures Tobin’s lips. Tobin eagerly responds. After a few soft moments, Christen pulls away, “I need to do the same thing. The idea of going there without you hurts, but my dad does it everyday. I need to show that strength for him.” 

Christen didn’t even realize this truth until she spoke it out loud. She didn’t realize how much fear she was harboring about her dad’s experience. Couldn’t comprehend that she struggled so much because she could never imagine that being her. Never imagine walking into this apartment without knowing Tobin would eventually be joining her.

Tobin scoots impossibly closer to Christen, “So why are you so upset baby?”

Christen shrugs and gives a shy smile, “I can apply a lot of logic to why things need to happen, but when it actually comes to doing it…” she shrugs again. “I am going to miss you so much. It’s going to be hard being away from you, especially over the holidays, but I know it’s what I need. It’s what we both need.”

Now it’s Tobin’s turn to kiss Christen, “I am going to miss you too.” She looks down at their entwined hands, “Really, Chris, I can stay. My family would understand. I understand. You’re my priority.”

The younger woman sighs, “Tobs, I need you to go. Regardless of what my face is telling you right now, I need you to go.”

Tobin nods solemnly. It is obvious how torn she is.

Christen runs her hands up and down Tobin’s strong arms, “Wanna take a little nap with me before dinner?”

Hazel eyes brighten a little bit as her girlfriend nods with a soft smile.

They both crawl up the bed and Tobin opens her arms to Christen. The striker nestles in tightly against the crook on Tobin’s neck, and throws her left leg over her midsection. She plants a few kisses on Tobin’s cheek, whispers a quiet I love you, before closing her eyes and feeling arms tighten securely around her.   
***  
“Baby, you can’t win at everything….don’t you have enough awards?” Tobin chastises lightly.

“T, the Press family bowling award isn’t just ANY award. It’s a big deal, and Tyler would never let me live it down if I went quietly.” Christen chirps through the phone. 

“I am sure if you pulled out your Hermann trophy Tyler would back down.”

Tobin hums as her girlfriend laughs lightly through the phone.

“Charles wasn’t helping” Christen responds “He knows exactly how to get to me.”

Tobin laughs as she listens to Christen’s bright voice recall the epic bowling battle. She is standing on the back porch of her mom’s house in Florida. Only 100 yards between her and the ocean. It is a cool night, but as always, Tobin is barefoot feeling the tiny grains of sand that are littered across the porch on the soles of her feet. Her two favorites sounds fill her head - waves crashing and Christen’s voice. Soft and sweet. Almost excited.

Tobin is grateful that she can hear a smile in the voice.

“How was BD’s birthday? Did he like our present?” Tobin had custom designed Cody a bucket hat with photos of Christen’s goal celebration from the World Cup. It wasn’t something Christen would ever allow for him to wear in public, but something both women knew he would cherish.

Christen sighed “He loved it WAY too much. Wouldn’t take it off all night. I think he might have slept in it. Oh gosh, honey, I didn’t realize how late it was for you and I am just blabbering on and on.”

Tobin smiles, “I would stay up for hours to hear your voice, Chris.”

“Ms. Heath, are you flirting with me?”

“Is it working?”

“It always works, love. But, really, I will let you go, I am sure the rascals are going to jumping into bed with you bright and early tomorrow.”

Now it’s Tobin’s turn to sigh, which comes out more of a groan. “You’re so right. Normal humans get to sleep in on vacation. I haven’t woken up this early by choice in a long time.”

“Good thing you love being Auntie To-in.”

“That I do, Chris. That I do.” She smiles and runs her hand through her hair, “Alright, babe, well go tell Tyler I say congrats on the trophy, but that I fully expect to kick her ass when I come to LA next week, and text me before you go to sleep. I will leave my phone on loud just in case you want to talk before bed.”

“Okay, love. Kiss the babies for me and tell them Auntie CC is sorry she isn’t there to play pirates.” Tobin laughs at the memory of the game Christen invented one night when they were babysitting, “Also, please tell your mom thank you for the cornbread stuffing recipe. If the family doesn’t get mass food poisoning, it will ultimately be a success.”

Both women take a minute to get off the phone, just listening to each other breathe for a moment. 

A few more beats pass, “I love you, Tobin Heath. More than words.”

Tears inexplicably fill Tobin’s eyes and her throat seizes up. She takes a few deep breaths to choke out any response, but finally manages.

“I love you, Christen Press. Each day more.”

The line goes out. Tobin places her phone on the banister and spins it a few times, trying to collect herself. She takes a few more deep breaths and listens to the waves. Hoping that the few times Christen has tried to teach her to meditate take hold. The tears that were threatening to fall seem to have subsided. For now.

This was hard. Harder than she expected. The first day or so was fun. Distracted by the newness of being with her family, playing with the kids, early morning surfing in her wetsuit, catching up with her siblings. All of it was wonderful. But, then night came, and crawling into bed alone when all she wanted was to crawl into bed with Christen was hard. Then she was reminded of all the things she had done all day without Christen, and almost felt guilty for having fun without the love of her life. 

The love of her life who was stepping into a minefield of emotions. Navigating a life with her family, without her mom, and trying to support her father and sister through the whole ordeal. But here Tobin was, thousands of miles away, enjoying her time, and Christen was suffering. All she wanted was to be with her. 

Tobin sighed and bowed her head against the cool wood of the railing.

The sliding door opened behind her, “Tobs, what are you doing? It’s almost midnight, are you okay?” Perry’s voice softly called from inside the kitchen.

The soccer player stood tall and turned around to face her older sister, “Sorry, did I wake you? I was just saying goodnight to Christen.” She gestures to the phone on the railing.

Perry steps out and closes the door behind her before joining her sister at the porch’s edge, “Oh no. I fell asleep with the baby and just woke up and was craving a little something sweet, so I came down to steal a cookie, but then I noticed you were out here. Everything okay?” 

Tobin has never been good at lying to her sister. Tobin has never been good at lying in general. But when it come to being evasive, Perry always knew when Tobin was hiding something. 

She gave her older sister a soft smile, “What gave me away?”

Perry laughs quietly, “Well, it’s not quite as obvious as walking in on you and your “best friend” in high school making out and you said that you fell...but, I can tell when you’re keeping something from me, Tobs. You wear that big heart of yours on your sleeve.” Tobin can’t help but smile at the memory, but also sadly shake her head at her sister’s perceptiveness.

“Is everything okay with Christen? I was really surprised when mom told me she wasn’t coming down. What’s that about? You two are usually attached at the hip.”

Tobin rolls her eyes, “You know why Christen isn’t here, Per.”

Perry crosses her arms, “Sure, but do YOU know why?”

“I don’t get where this is coming from” Tobin’s voice raising a bit, “Look, it’s hard to be away from her. Especially with everything going on. That’s all.”

Perry uncrosses her arms and leans against the railing next to Tobin, “Come on, T. You’ve been dating Christen for four years, you’ve been apart for months at a time. Being away from her for 5 days doesn’t turn you into whatever this is.”

Tobin feels herself getting more and more frustrated at her sister’s line of questions. “Look, Per, just because we do it because of our jobs when we HAVE to doesn’t mean we like it. Can you imagine HAVING to be away from Taylor for months at a time because work keeps you away? Can you imagine having to delay all the big decisions in your life because you can’t manage to live in the same city? WHen we don’t have club obligations it’s really hard to not miss her and not just want to be with her.” 

Perry softens a bit, she settles shoulder to shoulder with Tobin, “Oh, Tobs, listen. None of us could ever realize how hard you and Christen inherently have to work for your relationship. But, that isn’t what I am saying. I am just not sure you get why Christen wanted you to be here.”

“Yeah, I do! We talked about it. She needed to be with her family and didn’t want me to ditch you guys.” Tobin all but scoffs out of frustration at her older sister.

“Well, I am sure that’s what you heard Christen say, but I don’t think that’s how Christen feels.”

Now it’s Tobin’s turn to cross her arms, “Perry, how would you know how Christen feels!”

A little guilt flashes across Perry’s face, “Because she was texting me all day today, worrying about you.”

Tobin’s stomach drops, “Wait, what? Christen was texting you? Why?”

“Because she is worried about you. She was worried that you were spending this whole vacation going through the family motions, and then spending time worrying about her, and not doing anything for yourself.” 

Tobin’s stomach drops even further. It was like Christen was inside her brain, even when they were 3,000 miles apart. 

She runs her hands through her hair and over her face, “I just need to be there for her. With her. She needs me.”

“Tobin, do you want to know what Christen told me today? She told me that you have been ignoring yourself for the better part of a year, and constantly putting Christen and her needs first.”

“Well yeah, of course I have. She lost her mom, Perry. She needed me to do that. I needed to do that for her.”

Perry’s hand drops onto her arm and rubs up and down to her elbow, “Yes, Tobin, Christen lost her mom, and there aren’t words for the pain she lives with. And every night I pray for her entire family to find peace in their loss. But, you lost someone really important to you, too. You also had to witness the love of your life breaking down. And everyday you sacrificed yourself to support her. Have you even taken the time to think about losing Stacy?”

Tobin was silent. Part of her almost forgot how important Stacy was to her because she had been focusing on Christen for the year. Then it was the World Cup, and then the victory tour, and everything with the company. Had she really not stopped to think about her own relationship with Stacy? Tears fill her eyes as she thinks about the woman. 

All she did for Christen. All she did for Tobin. Her undying support for their careers, their relationship. She made Tobin feel like part of the family since day one. Being on the west coast was easier because of the Press family. Stacy called her nearly weekly, whether or not Christen was in Portland and made sure Tobin knew she was so loved. 

The easiest promise Tobin ever made the woman was that she would marry Christen. All Tobin wishes is that Stacy would be able to see her daughter become a wife, a mother. A sob wracks through her body.

As tears cascade down her cheeks, Perry’s arm encompasses her fully.

“Oh, T. It’s okay. Let it out.” she buries her face deeper into her sister's shoulder, “But, this right here is why Christen needed you to come here. She needed you to feel all of this, and she needed you to trust that she could handle being with her family without you.”

Tobin stiffens a little bit, “She thinks that?”

Perry sighs, “She didn’t say it directly, but it’s clear she needs some freedom in her grief as well.”

“Freedom?”

“Don’t read into that, Tobs. It’s actually pretty disgusting how much that girl loves you. I mean most of her texts were making sure that you were having fun and leaning into the break, but she also asked for constant updates and pictures of you with the babies.”

A small smile cracks under her tears.

“I think you both just need to be able to handle this apart, so you’re stronger together. You need to understand your grief as individuals, so that you can communicate about it together. Since Stacy passed, you haven’t spent more than a week apart from Christen, and that was just for club responsibilities. This is important for both of you. When you go back to LA next week, Christen needs you to be stronger, so that she can be stronger too.”

Tobin nods about Perry’s shoulder. Almost, kind of, somewhat understanding what this whole separation was really about for Christen. After a few more minutes, Perry gives Tobin a squeeze and a kiss on the forehead.

“Don’t stay out here too long or you won’t survive your early morning wake up call.”

When Tobin hears the sliding door close yet again, she considers following her sister inside. When she reaches out to touch her phone and check the time, it unlocks. Instead of numbers, she is greeted by Christen’s face. She never thought she would be the person that would make their significant other the background of their phone, but Christen had changed the entire game for Tobin. For a second, Tobin can’t help but get lost in her favorite green eyes and before she even knows what’s going on, she’s pressing the green video next to Christen’s name in her phone.

It takes meer moments, and soon Christen’s face is lit up on the tiny screen in her hand. Her face is shadowed by darkness, except for the small light emanating from the motion light on the porch.

“Hi, T” Christen says quietly. It is obvious the younger woman is getting ready for bed. Her hair is pulled up in a tight bun, wet from her typical pre bed shower, and her face is fresh, the vestiges of the night's makeup carefully wiped away. “I was actually just going to text you before going to watch a TV show with Tyler. What are you still doing awake, baby? It’s almost 1:30 in the morning.” Christen tilts her head slightly and catches Tobin’s eyes. She sinks deeper and deeper into the green.

Tobin doesn’t realize that she never answered Christen’s questions, until Christen’s voice speaks out to her yet again, “Tobin? Can you hear me? What’s going on?”

She snaps out of it, “Sorry, Chris. I just wanted to see you before I went to bed.”

Christen grins, “Well it is a very nice surprise. Though, I can’t see you all that well. Are you still outside?”

Tobin scratches at the back of her neck, “Yeah, Perry came out for a little bit and we umm talked.”

Christen’s grin fades a bit and she nods understandingly. “Tobin, I um…” it’s Christen’s turn to scratch at the back of her neck, searching for words, “I just wanted to make sure that you…”

“Babe, I get it. Really I do. I was confused at first, but after talking to Perry” she laughs slightly, “well, really having Perry talk at me I understand more.”

Christen nods again.

“I miss you a lot, Christen.”

“I miss you, Tobin.”

Tobin takes a deep breath and tears fill her eyes, “And, I really, really miss your mom.”

Christen’s green eyes glaze a bit, but tears don’t fall, instead a small smile spreads on her face, “I know, baby.”  
***

Tobin’s whole body is buzzing. Her plane had just touched down at LAX and she was rearing up to see her girlfriend again. The time with her family was exactly what the doctor ordered. After her late night talk with Perry, and ensuing FaceTime with Christen, Tobin finally let go and let herself feel for the entire time she was in Florida.

Of course she missed Christen, and they texted throughout the day, and spoke on the phone every night, Tobin didn’t worry about her like she had the first two days. She let Christen be and she let herself be. 

There was late night laughter and tears about the loss of Stacy. Happy story telling about the World Cup and victory tour. Photo sharing on the new Re-Inc capsule that was set to drop the next week. And plenty of cuddles with her adorable niece and nephew. It gave Tobin a chance to pause, to decompress, to feel.   
It truly was exactly what she needed, and she could never thank Christen enough for understanding her needs, probably more than she did.

But, now she was just excited to be back in Christen’s arms. 

Tobin had taken an early morning flight out of West Palm Beach, so that she would have the full day to spend with Christen and her family in LA. The couple would stay in the area for the remainder of the weekend, before heading pack to Portland. 

The drop was happening next week, and both thought it would be better to be in their homebase in case they were needed. Secretly, they knew the drop would go flawlessly and they had the best managerial staff ever, but being home and alone during this time to celebrate was important to them. So much of Re-Inc had come out of the four walls of their apartment and from their hearts as they lay awake together having long conversations about changing the world. It felt right for it to be just them.

LAX was always a bear, but it was oddly quiet this morning. Tobin assumed most people were staying put through the holiday weekend. Shockingly, there was almost no one on her shuttle to the pick up lot. A small family and what seemed to be a college aged girl, who barely looked up from her phone to acknowledge anyone else on the bus.

Tobin liked the idea of anonymity. It was never her style to expose who she was or what she did. It’s a big reason she liked Portland. The city was small enough to know women’s soccer, but also respectful enough to let her be. She knows she was recognized. There are 30 foot banners of her outside Providence Park, but people in Portland rarely bothered her. It was in cities like New York or LA that she got recognized and fawned over more often.

She actually thought she was in the clear on this most recent flight, until she happened to notice an LFG sticker on the college girls duffle bag. Tobin tried to not draw attention to herself, but she noticed an awkward angle or a phone and some furious typing.

Yup. She just got posted somewhere. Fans everywhere would be wondering why Tobin was in LA over the holidays when she just posted a photo in Florida. 

She actually found it comical that fans thought she and Christen were hiding their relationship. On the contrary, they were protecting it. Neither of them were ashamed of being gay or the love they have for one another, but they saw how hard it was on Pinoe and one Ali and Ash. 

Sure, it got better, but for right now, they were just fine. They just wanted each other.

The shuttle pulls up to the parking lot, and Tobin takes longer than necessary to get her one bag off the racks, waiting for the bus to empty out and for people to disperse. She kept an eye on the girl, making sure she was out of sight before searching for Christen.   
Tobin steps off the bus and takes a deep breath as her feet hit concrete. It’s hard not to smile knowing Christen is moments away. And, as if on cue, a BMW rolls up and stops right in front of the soccer player. 

She hears the faint click of the door locks and the popping of the trunk.

Tobin pulls her bag to the back to deposit it in the trunk, she can’t help but smile at the soccer ball and pair of Nike cleats neatly tucked into the side netting. After closing the latch, she makes her way around to the driver side window and taps briefly on the glass.

The window rolls down to reveal her girlfriend, smiling brightly. The red Re-Inc hoodie on and a pair of Nike leggings. Her hair down and curly, no make up, just her.

“Can I drive?” Tobin smirks through her questions.

Christen giggles and undoes her seatbelt. Instead of getting out of the car like a normal person, she quickly climbs over the center console and plops herself into the passenger seat.

“Smooth work, baby.”

“Practice makes perfect.” Tobin herself is lowering into the drivers seat, “You know I wouldn’t be able to control myself if I were to get out in front of you.”

The window is rolled up and Tobin situated, so Christen wastes no time leaning over and cupping Tobin’s face to pull her into a searing kiss. She pulls away slightly, and Tobin can still feel Christen’s breath on her lips, “Gosh, I missed you, Tobs.”

Her hand reaches out to the back of Christen’s neck to pull her in for another kiss, “Me too, love, me too.”

The women pull apart, with huge smiles on their face, and Tobin eases the car out of the parking lot and towards the freeway. The two catch up on what they missed over the past few days. Retelling stories and Christen swiping through Tobin’s most recent photos of the baby and the additions on the house.

“Wow! The veranda looks amazing” green eyes are locked on Tobin’s phone. “I need to text your mom. I love it. I can’t wait to see it before the wedding in December.”

“My mom is so glad we are coming to see them for the weekend. She hasn’t seen you since France! She kept talking about how much she missed you.”

A huge smile cracks across Christen’s face, “ Speaking of, thanks for making the pit stop in LA. My family is itching to see you. I know you’re probably looking forward to being at home and in your own bed, but this means a lot.”

Tobin reaches across the console and grabs one of Christen’s hands before pulling it over and kissing her knuckles.

“I am home.”


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the long delay...hope y'all enjoy!

A cool fall, soon to be winter, breeze blew across her; dark curls falling into her green eyes, distorting the view for a brief moment before another breeze swept them back into place. The metal of the railing felt cool against her forearms. She breathed deeply as her heart finally beat at a normal rate, as compared to the heart of a hummingbird that had been masquerading as her own for the past twenty minutes. In her wildest dreams, Christen never thought her life would come to this point.

This moment.

When she graduated from Stanford, she gave herself an ultimatum. Two years in the professional league, one year to get her footing and find her rhythm, the next to impress enough to make the Olympic roster. When she got that fateful email one morning essentially becoming unemployed, she told herself that’s that. It’s the biggest sign anyone could send her. Wearing her country’s colors as she played the game she loved in front of thousands was over. It was time to pack up her tiny Florida apartment, head back to California, regroup and figure out what was next. Likely another few years of school to get her clinical psychology degree and then whatever was next.

If not for a fortuitous phone call from Kelley urging Christen to call Coach Ratcliffe, she never would have taken the plunge and went to Sweden. Her college coach told her all she needed to hear, 

“You’ve been spending your whole life trying to be what people want to see. Go where no one is watching and be who YOU want to see.”

With those words, a quick vedic meditation retreat, and a kiss from her parents promising to visit soon, Christen was off the grid. Well, kind of. She kept up with her friends, especially those from home and even started a blog. Sweden brought her joy, life, love, and her dream. At least, what she thought was her dream - the national team. But, really, it brought her so much more than that because without her choice to go to Sweden, Christen would never have been thrust into Tobin’s life. 

Maybe thrust isn’t the right word. It felt like she was called up to Tobin’s life, just as she was called up to the National Team. 

Every choice, each moment, every relationship, each first kiss, every break up was preparing her for her life with Tobin. Just as every team, each goal, every loss, each win was preparing her for the National Team. 

Sometimes she shakes her head at the circumstance. The love of her life was so intrinsically linked to the hardest decision she ever made. But every decision since then brought her here. Sweden to Chicago back to Sweden to Utah and Portland all in between. 

Tobin’s bright voice echoes through the new apartment, partially due to the lack of rugs because Tobin wanted to keep it “industrial” and Linds and Sonnett stored most things in the guestroom, but mostly due to her inability to stay calm. Happiness bouncing off the walls, as she inevitably bounces on her toes throughout the newly christened apartment. The one with both their names on the lease. A shimmering laugh reaches the open door on the far end of the kitchen hitting Christen’s ears like a blessing.

“Totally surprised, Per, it was awesome. It was beautiful” Confirmation that the sisters are still chatting as Tobin paces back and forth in front of the propped open door leading out to their balcony. Her bare foot echoing quietly against the wood floors. Another laugh echoes off the walls, “I knew Sonny had it in her.” Tobin’s voice fades away as she resumes her pacing towards the bedroom hall.

Christen can’t help but giggle, a permanent smile etched on her face having just texted Sonnett herself with words of extreme gratitude. For Lindsey something deeper. Heart singing with happiness. Her eyes trained on the disappearing silhouette of Mt. Hood as the sun makes its final descent. If possible, this city felt even more like home than it had over the past 3 years when she really started to lay her roots down here.

The couple had only been back in Portland for a few days after spending time in Southern California with the striker’s family. The anxiety Christen felt before leaving Tobin before Thanksgiving took a few days to subside, but being around her sisters, cousins, father, and extended family eased the burden a bit. Plus, she was inundated with updates from not only Tobin, but her sisters and mom as well. 

The Heath family always made sure Christen felt seen and loved, even from a great distance. The number of amazingly cute photos of Tobin with her nephews and niece made the younger woman’s heart beat escalate and a smooth track of tears coat the back of her throat. She was a sucker for her girlfriend in all regards, but seeing Tobin with kids was something Christen would never get over. 

Kids and Tobin was a match made in heaven, and Christen couldn’t wait for some day in the future when all the photos on her phone would be of Tobin with tiny children with wildly curly honey hair and bright green eyes. 

A future that felt much more real.

Tobin’s arrival in Los Angeles came at the most perfect time. Christen loves her family and her sisters more than she can explain, but being the middle of three, and quite frankly, dealing with Tyler can get a bit exhausting and Tobin is the perfect buffer. Not only with her older sister, but the woman had taken her time to connect with each member of her family as so much more than Christen’s girlfriend and teammate. 

She is willing to go toe to toe with Tyler when she gets too competitive during a game of cornhole in the backyard, makes Channing laugh when she gets too cerebral and is incredibly willing to engage in morning meditation sessions, and is the only one that can possibly keep up with her dad when he pulls out the Wits and Wagers board. Fitting in seamlessly, and if even possible, making Christen closer to them.

Since being home, the launch of the RWB collection went off without a hitch, and Tobin’s vision truly came to life through the clothes. Seeing orders fly off the virtual shelves was gratifying and scary. The build up to the launch was easy - meetings, and orders, and photoshoots, and more meetings, and more designs, and phone calls, and flights. All things Christen could manage. All things that fit into her personality. 

But, now that the launch was complete and even more successful than anyone could have ipredicted, Christen had to wrap her mind around what it really meant to be the CEO of an actual company, not just the theoretical brand she built with three of her best friends. This was never anything she had imagined being so passionate about. Hell, she took an intro to business class at Stanford and dropped it within the first 3 weeks in exchange for a sociology class.

Unsurprisingly, Tobin’s presence calmed Christen and her girlfriend had been nothing but supportive as the striker took too many phone calls and answered too many emails that all could have been delegated to someone one their staff. Understanding that control was Christen’s grounding and she would willingly bring her dinner while she punched away at her keyboard, and drop a few kisses on her shoulder as she followed through on orders over the phone. They, too, fit seamlessly. 

It was two days after the drop when Tobin enticed Christen out of the house with promises of shopping for furniture and appliances for the house. Something the woman had been begging her girlfriend to do since before they even left for their last national team camp, which was weeks ago. Little did she know everything else Tobin had planned for that evening. 

She is pulled from her thoughts with Tobin’s voice, “Alright y’all, I am going to go spend some time with Christen. We love you both and will Facetime tomorrow afternoon to see the kids.” She hears the door hit the jamb and soon strong arms wrap around her midsection and a familiar nose is buried into the crook of her neck.

“Hi, love” Tobin breathes against her neck and makes the tiny hairs stand on end and shoots electricity through her veins. 

“Hi, love” Christen whispers back, as she threads her fingers through Tobin’s as they rest on her own stomach. 

“What a day, huh?” Tobin all but whispers, as she lays featherweight kisses on Christen’s exposed neck and jaw line. 

Christen chuckles, as she releases Tobin’s hands, twists around, and threads her arms around the shorter woman’s neck. She leans and softly pulls Tobin’s bottom lip between her own, welcoming the entrance of Tobin’s tongue into her mouth, as they share a languid kiss. As they pull apart, both a little breathless, Christen lays her left hand on Tobin’s chest and the new ring that has found purchase on her fourth finger catches her eye. 

“Yeah, what a day.” 

*12 Hours Earlier*

Christen can count on two hands the times that Tobin has woken up before her when they were in the off season, and at least two of those were to turn the TiVo on to record an Arsenal game. The other was on Christen’s birthday and Tobin had forgotten to buy flowers the night before, and most recently, Christen went to sleep with a migraine and Tobin forced her to sleep in. Needless to say, the green eyed woman was surprised to roll over to empty sheets and a cold pillow this morning. 

With the quirk of an eyebrow, she rolls onto her side and places her feet on the ground, before taking a deep grounding breath. Knowing Tobin would eventually make her presence known, Christen makes a quick pit stop in the en suite, before settling down for a moment’s meditation. 

When her eyes pop open, she is yet again surprised to not see Tobin. In fact, she didn’t even hear her girlfriend stirring at any point in the last ten or so minutes. She slowly stretches out her limbs, before grabbing her glasses from the bedside table and stepping out into the apartment.

Her senses are immediately hit with the smells of fresh coffee, something freshly baked, and the sounds of Phoebe Bridgers, slowly filling the kitchen. It’s not till she rounds the corner, that she finally sees Tobin. Decked out in dusk blue from head to toe. 

“Goodmorning, sleepy head!” Tobin’s megawatt smile brightens the entire room, as she pulls Christen into a hug and drops a kiss on her temple. Christen’s hands run up between the other woman’s shoulder blades, as she holds her close and waits to feel her heartbeat against her own chest.

“Morning, love. Are you feeling okay?” She reaches up to rest the back of her hand on Tobin’s forehead, I’ve never seen you this chipper before 9 AM.”

Tobin rolls her eyes playfully, and then gestures her head towards the kitchen table, “I was in the mood for breakfast, and you know what happens when I get in the mood. I get very focused.” She wiggles her eyebrows for emphasis. 

The table is adorned with what seems like all of Christen’s favorites - chocolate croissants, french pressed coffee, greek yogurt and granola, fresh fruit, and her favorite juice from Sip. 

“Favorites for my favorite.”

“Tobs, this is too much. Why did you do all this?”

“You can never just let me spoil you.” Tobin grabs her hand and drags her over to her seat and plunges the french press to pour her a fresh cup of coffee. As she places the carafe back on the table, she plants yet another soft kiss against Christen’s temple, “Coconut or oat milk?”

“Oat, please.” As Tobin drifts back towards the fridge, Christen starts to fill two plates, making sure to give Tobin two croissants and no raspberries. 

“Here, love.”

“Mmm, thanks baby.” She takes the small pitcher from Tobin and lightens up her coffee, before pouring some into her girlfriend’s cup as well. 

Tobin finally joins Christen at the table and her smile hasn’t faded.

“So” Christen says in between bites of pineapple “All this because you just felt like spoiling me?” A note of suspicion hangs off her question.

“Well, I know how stressful the past two weeks have been, with the end of the season, the holidays, and the drop, and I just figured I could take care of you a little bit. We are unplugging today, taking a day off from training, ya know, so I just figured we should, like, start it off with a great meal. You know breakfast is the most important meal of the day, so let’s start this day right.” Tobin reaches out and grabs Christen’s hand in hers and continued sipping her coffee, just the advantages of dating a lefty, “Plus, I love chocolate croissants!”

A comfortable silence falls between the two, as they continue to dig into the amazing food, their hands remaining linked on the table, the soft hum of music filling the space. The feeling of Tobin’s thumb rubbing across her knuckles

Christen cleared her throat and took the final sip of her coffee, “Okay, Ms. Heath, what else do you have planned for our very exciting quote un quote day off.”

A smile stretches on Tobin’s face, “Well, I was thinking we could head to a few craft furniture stores in the area. Maybe Canoe and Hunt and Gather? I figure that since this place is officially ours, maybe we could do some of the decorating together.”

Christen can’t help but smile. It was very Tobin to want to make sure Christen felt like this place was as much hers, especially since Portland started out as Tobin’s. She didn’t feel the need to remind her girlfriend that even though she moved in with Tobin, much of the decorating had been at Christen’s request and fit her taste, seeing as the apartment was basically a storage unit for soccer balls, paint cans, and various surf and skate boards before she moved in.It seems like the only thing Tobin spent money on was her shoe storage.

Tobin stood from the table to start clearing the dishes, “We could hit up Sur La Table and see if they have any fun new kitchen gadgets we could buy.”

“You don’t think our utter failure with the NutriBullet was a sign that we should stick to the basics?” 

“It didn’t say you could put meat in it” Tobin shrugs with a grin.

Christen shakes her head with a smile, before heading into the bedroom to prepare for the day.  
The women take their leave from the apartment and make their way into the connected garage in search of Tobin’s Jeep.

“Let’s take the doors off.”

“Tobs, it’s literally winter. I do not feel like freezing to death in the name of furniture shopping. We are leaving the doors on.”

An arm wraps around Christen’s waist, as Tobin pulls her into a hug, “What if I promise to warm you up when we get home?” She husks into Christen’s ear.

For a second she almost agrees, but then remembers that she also straightened her hair yesterday and it would never recover from the wind, “Are you implying that sex is off the table is I insist we leave the doors on?”

Tobin falters and in that instant she knew she won.

“Damn your Stanford mind and your thin Cali blood.”

Christen rolls her eyes as she pulls herself into the front passenger seat, “You love me. Plus no one from California calls it Cali.”  
***

A few hours later the two women find themselves taking a break from shopping and grabbing a bite to eat at one of their favorite local haunts, Tilt. Tobin loved it for it’s casual ambiance and burgers, Christen was all about the fries.

As they ruminate over their purchases and discussing placement of the new matching, natural wood media console and bookshelves, Christen gets a feeling of sheer bliss that she hasn’t felt since she lost her mom. Looking at Tobin, talking about their life together, in their home. 

An order of fries is dropped in between them as the waitress says she would be right back with their burgers.

“Remember our first date” Tobin asks as she grabs the ketchup bottle, “where you almost dumped me on the spot because I was a drizzler and not a dunker?”

“Can you blame me?” Christen replies through a laugh, “Drizzling ketchup all over the fries is MADNESS, you can’t possibly eat them all quick enough to retain ideal crispness through the entire fry eating experience.” She grabs a fry and dunks in the ketchup for emphasis before taking a crisp bite. “The perfect crisp from start to finish.”

Tobin nearly chokes on her own fry and has to hold back tears as she laughs at Christen’s antics. When she finally gets a hold of herself, she reaches across the table to lace their fingers, “You’ve taught me so much over the last 4 years Chris. Where would I be without you?”

Christen instinctually rolls her eyes at Tobin’s cheekiness, but quite honestly, she doesn’t want to think about where she would be without Tobin, “You know, after 4 years you think you could put the charm to rest.”

“The proper response to that would be “Oh, love, for all I have taught you, you have taught me so much more.”

Now’s time for a genuine eye roll, “Right, Tobs.”

“I am OFFENDED” Tobin scoffs pulling a hand to her chest with a look of fake outrage on her face. “Without me you wouldn’t know that at all times shoes are optional, maybe except the pitch, you would think that Nike’s are only for casual occasions, where indeed they are meant to be dressed up or dressed down. You would be WOEFULLY unaware of the magic of strip go fish. I mean, Christen, the list goes on and on.” 

“Why are a majority of your examples shoe adjacent?” She teases, greene eyes sparkling. Before quickly adding, “Most of all, I wouldn’t know true love,”

Tobin exhales, “Yeah, that too.”

The women wrap up their lunch and make their way back out to Tobin’s car ready to head across town and hit up William-Sonoma.

As they pile into the car, Tobin leans across the console to capture Christen’s lip in a quick, but deep kiss.

“You make me so happy, Christen.”

Christen’s heart drops in the best of ways. Tobin rarely uses her full name unless she is frustrated or trying to be especially sincere. 

The striker reachers her hand up to cup her girlfriend’s cheek gently, “That’s all I have ever wanted.”

Tobin slowly pulls out into the road, adjusts the radio dial before landing on a jazz station, and takes Christen’s hand into her lap for the duration of the ride across town.

The cart continues to get fuller and fuller as Tobin dashes around William Sonoma. One might think she was an aspiring chef for all the things she was grabbing off displays.

“Tobs” Christen sighs softly “I really don’t think we need a rice cooker. I mean can you remember the last time we even had rice.”

“I guarantee we would have a lot more rice if we had a rice cooker” Tobin rushes out, as she darts down another aisle. “I love rice, C. I promise this puppy will get plenty of use.” She stands in front of a display of different sized rubber spatulas, mesmerized by the colors. “Besides, babe, when else are we gonna have an excuse to get all this dope stuff?”

Another sigh escapes Christen’s mouth, “I don’t know, Tobin, maybe a wedding registry or something” she chides under her breath.

“What was that love?” Tobin turns with a bright smile on her face, reaching her eyes, making them crinkle in a way that Christen just couldn’t stay angry with.

The green eyed woman just shakes her head and edges toward her girlfriend with the cart in tow, “Nothing, babe, but we already have a set of rubber spatulas, so I think we are good in this aisle.” She placed a warm hand on Tobin’s extended arm and slowly lowered it for her.

“Right, right. I just really like the contrast of this black and white set.” Tobin reaches out again to grab a spatula with a black blade but a bright white handle. Her mind spinning at the contrast. “Look at this!” The hazel eyed woman turns the spatula in her hand over and over. Christen is used to Tobin getting lost in thought, so thinks nothing of this most recent venture into her mind palace.

“Hmm, yeah that is cool” Christen answers nonchalantly, quickly glancing at her phone, hoping that she and Tobin will be heading back home soon so she can get a quick bike ride in before dinner. “Should we keep moving, babe? It’s almost 3 and I need to get back for a phone call with Jess”

A newly distracted Tobin hums in response, “No work today, babe. I told Jess you would call her tomorrow” but quickly glances down at her watch. as Christen grabs her elbow and guides her down the aisle, Her brown eyes are still locked on the spatula display. It takes almost knocking over a tower of fancy mustards for her to refocus. 

She snaps back into reality, deftly grabbing a bottle of mustard that was falling through the air about to crash to the floor, “Poupon, love?”  
***  
After a few more laps of the store, most of which Tobin spent grabbing absurdly expensive kitchen utensils that neither of them knew how to use and trying to guess the price and function. This was Christen’s favorite version of Tobin, the goofy, giddy, vibrant Tobin. 

Frankly, she loved every version, but Tobin’s public persona was starkly different than “her Tobin”. The one who would do anything to make Christen smile. Sure she was still chill and laid back, and could flip the switch to fiercely competitive in a second, but really Tobin was just a big kid at heart. She knew Tobin felt the same way.. 

Because Christen was pretty adverse to the spotlight and wasn’t as willing to do videos for US Soccer, especially now that she felt her spot on the team was more secure she felt like her fans only really knew this one small piece of who she is, the quiet girl who likes french fries, yoga, street wear, and scoring goals. Tobin knew her much deeper than that. 

“I’ll drive home, T” she reaches out to grab the keys from the belt loop of Tobin’s sweats where they laid clipped as the couple finally made their way out of the store, multiple bags in tow. 

“Ah-ah-ah” the older woman quickly dances out of the reach of her girlfriend. Tobin knew this game, Christen only ever wanted to drive so she got to dictate what they listened to, “You just want play your murder podcast.”

Green eyes rolled, “Toooobbbbs, I am SO far behind. I am just worried Karen and Georgia are going to forget who I am.” Her eyes dance at her own words. 

“You’re an idiot” Tobin giggles handing Christen the keys to the car, “You know, people might get really concerned about how much true crime you consume. If I am ever found dead floating down the Willamette, your podcast list is going to be very damning evidence.”

“Oh,hush” Christen chides, “First of all, don’t joke. Second of all” the striker slips into the driver’s seat, clicks her belt into place, throws on her stunner shades, and quickly adjusts her mirrors before turning to her girlfriend. “I would puncture your lungs to ensure your body didn’t float.”

Laughter ripples through Tobin’s chest as she shakes her head. The corner of Christen’s mouth twitches. “Ready to go home?”

Tobin glances down at her watch and does some quick reverse math, “Ummm, how about a little something sweet to end our day trip? I heard Salt and Straw got some new flavors.” She wiggles her eyebrows, as if they would entice her girlfriend more. With another quick glance at her watch, she looks up to wait for Christen’s reply.

“Now what would Dawn say, if we tell her on our one day off from training not only did we have burgers and fries for lunch, but we had a mid afternoon ice cream?”

“Come on, C. You know Dawn could never get mad at you, even if she is now serving the enemy. She used to post your tracker stats for the entire team after practice and put pictures of your training camp dinner plates in her slideshows” 

Christen taps her fingers against the steering wheel and shrugs, “What can I say, I have always loved being the teacher’s pet.” Tobin pouts at her girlfriend who finally relents, “Fine, fine, fine. Put that damn lip away.” She reaches over and tugs lightly at Tobin’s bottom lip. “Turn my podcast on and we can get ice cream.” 

Tobin quickly checks her watch one more time and exhales slowly, “Perfect timing.”

“Huh” Christen says as she navigates the jeep out of the parking lot.

“Nothing” Tobin squeaks and presses play on the phone before tucking it into a cupholder and reaching over to place a hand on Christen’s thigh, giving it a light, loving squeeze before leaving it there.

Christen notices that yet again Tobin checks her watch, which she rarely wears, let alone checks constantly throughout an afternoon. Thinking nothing of it, she focuses back on the road, the voices coming through the speakers, and the weight of Tobin’s hand on her thigh. She can’t help but smile.  
***

“I don’t understand how with all the amazing new flavors you always settle for freckled mint” Tobin lightly chides Christen as the younger woman turns down the street of their apartment complex. As if on cue, a somewhat familiar BMW pulls out from in front of the building and drives in the opposite direction. “Oh! Look babe, a space right in front of the building...grab that one!”

“That kind of looks like my car” Christen comments quietly thinking of her BMW she gets for the season as she pulls into the spot. “Wait, babe, why would we park here? We can’t leave it overnight, I am just going to go to the garage.”

But Tobin is already unbuckling, “I am going to pick up dinner later. I am really craving sushi and you know they take forever to deliver. This will be easier and I’ll throw it in the garage later.”

Christen shrugs relenting to her girlfriend’s logic, as she shuts off the car. As the women exit the car, Jimmy, their favorite doorman, meets them on the sidewalk with a dolley. 

“Good evening, ladies! Need some help unloading?”

As Christen is about to politely decline, Tobin pops the trunk, “Sweet, Jimmy. Thanks man!”

She quickly ushers Christen inside the revolving door before her girlfriend can further protest.

“Tobs, we barely have any bags. Jimmy didn’t need to take them.”

Now it is Tobins turn to shrug, “He was probably bored. He wouldn’t have offered to help if he didn’t have the time.”

The two women enter the elevator and Tobin’s hand darts out to press the button for their floor. 

“Did you see the BMW pull out of our parking spot? It looks just like the series we get from local dealers.”

“Babe, we live in one of the nicest apartment buildings in Portland. I think a lot of people around here drive BMWs.”

“Yeah, but I could have sworn it had Colorado plates.”

Tobin can’t help but smirk at her girlfriend, “It is so weird that you know all state’s license plates without actually seeing the name.”

“Lots of long car trips with Tyler and Cody always got competitive.”

As the elevator rose, Tobin got noticeably antsy. Drumming her fingers incessantly against the mirror and glancing quickly from the floor to Christen.

“Hey, Travis Parker! What is wrong with you?”

The midfielder coughs and makes eye contact with her girlfriend, “Oh, nothing just um really need to pee.”

Christen giggles as the elevator doors finally open on their floor and she steps out ahead of her girlfriend to head to the apartment. She has the car keys, so has to lead the way, but she puts a little extra pep in her step knowing Tobin needs to get to the restroom. 

As she places the keys into the door, Tobin’s hand covers hers briefly, “Chris?”

“Yeah?”

“Can you look at me for a second?” Tobin asks, almost shyly, which pulls the attention of Christen immediately.

She smiles brightly, “I thought you had to pee?”

Tobin blushes, “I can hold it.”

Slowly, Tobin brushes her hands up Christen’s arms. She reaches the taller woman’s long neck and slowly threads her hands into thick, black curls, short nails slightly scratching at scalp and gently pulls the woman closer, welcoming her into a warm, soft kiss. She pulls back slightly, before leaning her forehead against Christen’s waiting for green eyes to open. “I love you.”

Christen’s heart melts and for some reason, tears threaten to fall from her eyes. She raises her hand to brush a few fingers across Tobin’s strong jaw, “I love you.”

Tobin reaches around Christen’s waist and slowly turns the key and slowly nudges her girlfriend to enter the apartment in front of her, “After you.”

As she enters, Christen is immediately overtaken by the soft glow of what looks like hundreds of tea lights and candles, making the apartment feel more like a spa. Songs in A Minor plays quietly from Tobin’s record player in the corner of the room. She can’t help but gasp as she looks up into the living room, which has been emptied of all major furniture and hung from the ceiling, in a criss crossing pattern are lengths of twine. Each full of photos and what looks like postcards hung with care by small clothes pins.

Christen turns and immediately looks at Tobin, who is leaning against the door jamb, smiling shyly and glancing down at her feet. “Tobin, what is all this?”

“Let’s see.” Tobin strides forward and takes one of Christen’s hands in her own and brings her over the first picture. What Christen had originally thought was a postcard ends up being a 5x7 watercolor. The closest to the entryway is the most simple, in Tobin’s distinctive hand writing “Our Story” is spelled out in green, almost grey. Changing as the lights from the candle hit it.

Christen reaches out slowly, as if she is afraid to touch the card. Her eyes scan the rest of the display. Photos from their life fill her eyes. Pictures from various moments together and various moments apart. All of them weaving together a complex tapestry of their life together. 

She hasn’t stepped into the center of the room yet, instead noticing the early days. A picture from Pali Blues, the National Championship game, one of Tobin playing for Sky Blue and Christen for MagicJack. Interspersed are original watercolors done by Tobin herself. She recognizes the PSG stadium, as well as one of her favorite streets in Gothenburg. 

Taking a step further into the room, other series take focus in Christen’s mind. Various photos from her first cap, Tobin’s 100th, to the World Cup in Canada. A water color of her arms wrapped around Tobin’s midsection with Tobin’s arms lifted to the sky and confetti falling overhead. This time she does reach out and touch the painting delicately.

“You really did all these” she speaks out breaking the silence in the room. Slowly she turns and sees Tobin standing outside the display with a ghost of a smile on her face.

She runs her hands on the front of her joggers, “Um, yeah. When we were apart this season.”

“Come here, love.” Christen beckons for Tobin to join her in the center of the space. “These are all so incredible.” She says with warmth in her heart. A heart that has begun thundering in her chest in anticipation of what is to come.

“There are still a few more years to check out” Tobin says with a chuckle as she leans in to give Christen a delicate kiss on the forehead. She gently turns Christen’s body towards the last few lengths, which are full of even more watercolors than pictures. It was like Tobin picked all their favorite photos from the last 4 years and turned them into works of art.

On the beach in Portugal, on the slopes in Tahoe, watching the sunset in LA, hikes in Utah, the London eye, the streets of Barcelona and a few of just Christen. Christen showing off her famous heart eyes, as Tobin captures her behind the lens of a camera. The feeling through the striker’s body is overwhelming. Her heart physically feels full, as she walks down the length of the twine. Getting more and more recent.

A particular painting hits her like a ton of bricks. It is one of the last photos of Christen and her mother together. When her mom was still her mom. Both wearing sunglasses and beaming up at the camera. Tobin’s version is even more painstakingly beautiful than the original.

Cody is in his bucket hat in Christen’s USA jersey. A series of her goal against England. Photos from the aftermath of the world cup, watercolors from Mexico, a picture of the Re founders. Christen is reaching the end of the final length which is a watercolor of the view from their new apartment together. Which is expertly placed in line with the actual view that is peeking out behind the drawn curtains on the french doors to the patio. It’s there that Christen notices a small post it taped to the curtain. And in handwriting she can’t quite place the words “Turn Around” with a small heart in the lower right hand corner wrapping around an L and an E. 

This is the moment, Christen thinks to herself, as she slowly turns to find Tobin, not on one knee, but instead sitting on her shins, and reaching her hand out to Christen.

She steps toward the older woman kneeling down to join her on the floor, not before placing a kiss squarely on her palm.

“Are those happy tears?” Tobin asks as even her hazel eyes begin to mist.

Christen chuckles as she reaches up and finds her cheeks wet, “I didn’t even realize I was crying.” She shakes her head in almost disbelief as she takes in the expanse of the room around her. Their life together floating in photos above her head, Typewriter fittingly playing from the corner. Her eyes finally land on Tobin who has a wide grin on her face. “This is all so stunningly beautiful, Tobin, just like you.”

“Well I knew this had to be special, because I am really hoping to only do this once.” She unzips her sweatshirt to reach in and pull out a ring. One squared off diamond, surrounded by two smaller ones.

“Good things those things have zippers, huh?” Christen teases as tears still fall out of her eyes.

Tobin can’t help but laugh, “It was for this precise moment that I designed it that way.” With her hand not holding the right, Tobin reaches out and grabs Christen’s left hand and slowly draws patterns on the back with her thumb and exhaled before speaking.”

“Ever since I was a little kid, words haven’t been my friend. They would usually get me in trouble or more likely, they would escape me when I needed them most. When I got older, soccer became my form of communication. I always felt like I was best understood when I had a ball at my feet.” She pauses temporarily to catch her breath or maybe her thoughts. Christen gives her a hand a reassuring squeeze, not wanting to interrupt.

“Then I met you. Then I fell for you. Then I found out what emotions really are. I found out what love really feels like. You made me realize that I didn’t need words to be expressive or heard or seen. You made it possible for me, safe for me, to show myself through all this.” She uses her head to gesture upwards. Tears are quietly falling from her eyes, as she takes in Christen in front of her. “I feel like I have been taking photos of our life together, both physically and mentally since we started and I never want the subject to change.”

“Christen the only person you’ve ever wanted me to be is the best version of myself, and you love me unconditionally even when I fall far short of that. And, for the first time in my life I want to stay put because you’re the best home I will ever have.”

The younger woman can’t help the tears from cascading down her cheeks, unrelenting.

In that moment, Tobin holds the ring out to Christen, and in a way only Tobin can asks, “How do you feel about forever?”

Christen all but launches herself into Tobin’s arms. Kissing every inch of her face, holding every part of her she can. Pulling her in close as if to make them one. Finally finding purchase on her lips. She tries to express every emotion she is feeling into that kiss. All the love she has felt for Tobin not only for the last 4 years, but for their entire friendship. Just like Tobin did with the photos. Christen pours herself into that kiss.

“So is that a yes?” Tobin smirks pulling away slightly, cheeks flushed, lips slightly poutier. 

Christen holds out her left hand and Tobin quickly slides the ring on her fourth finger before speaking up,

“Forever doesn’t sound long enough.”


End file.
